Tales from Health Records

Obesity and Society

2009-04-04T11:48:00.000-07:00

Voodoo Medicine Man got me thinking about this, and instead of posting pages upon pages of my comments on his blog, I've come out of hiding to make this post here.

I, as a fat girl, find it disturbing that it's more than appropriate to laugh about someone's weight than it is comment on the color of their skin, or the religion they follow. Despite the fact that the majority of overweight people (myself included) are where they are because of poor personal choices, doesn't make it any better, in fact, it makes it worse. But, is the individual solely to blame? Or does society hold some of it; as you suggested. I believe it does. You can't go more than a minute on any television channel without coming across a food ad; either for take-out, or something else. I live in Canada, so I'll give my thoughts on this from a Canadian perspective. Every time I go to the US, which is just a few minutes away from me, I am astounded by the food products you have that we, in Canada, don't. The amount of pre-packaged, pre-cooked meals just floors me. In some stores, there's enough of them that you could devote a whole 2 or 3 aisles to and still have some left over. Your fast food is ridiculously cheap and you have way more chains than we have in Canada. The ones we have are Arbys, Wendys, Taco Time, Taco Bell, McDonalds, A&W, KFC, and Burger King. I might be missing one, but I don't think I am. Going just across the border in to Bellingham and there's most of those I listed plus so many more I can't list them due to forgetting some of them. Different parts of the US have different fast food outlets, too - in Canada, we have the ones I listed.

Healthy food, as you suggested, is more expensive than the prepackaged variety, and even in Canada this is true. Despite this, I rarely buy the prepackaged food, in fact, if you saw my shopping cart most times, I'm sure it confuses people as to why a fat chick is pushing it around. Lots of vegetables, lean meats, no bread products, no sugary products, low fat dairy products, etc. But I know that if I gave up on that, I could buy my whole week's worth of meals in the frozen, re-heatable kind and safe myself a lot of money and time.

Do I think people should intervene? Yes. I do. I've had several physicians (walk-in clinic doctors, mostly and one gynecologist who I really wouldn't want anywhere near my vajayjay) tell me I have to lose weight. My problem is when I tell them what I'm doing to lose it, they poo-poo it and suggest something ridiculous like aquasize. The gynecologist I saw a few years ago wouldn't even let me finish my sentence before he started brushing my comments aside and telling me the benefits of swimming. I tried to explain to him the "Fitness Fantasy" contest I had just completed that summer (and won, by the way) but I barely got the words out before he made a snap judgement that it was crap and I should be doing aquasize and swimming, oh and yoga. I'm all for doctors giving me tools to further the knowledge I gained from that "Fitness Fantasy" contest and for encouraging me - but when I tell them that I lost damn near 30 pounds in 3 months, gained 10 pounds of muscle and lost 20 inches of my body and they brush it aside as though it were nothing even remotely beneficial: I get a little rankled.

I think, though, the WAY you intervene and how you speak to a person is very important. I, for example, am far more receptive to a physician telling me that I am over weight, that they're concerned for my future health, and they're going to help me find the resources I need (whether it's a nutritionist consult, or maybe a thyroid check, etc) to get healthy than to have a physician tell me "you're overweight, go swimming". I'm less likely to take them serious than someone who's being genuine and really reaching a hand out.

If you're the PCP for a patient who's overweight - moderately or morbidly, I think you have the responsibility and obligation to help them. Don't assume they DON'T know they're fat: we do have mirrors and society makes sure we're constantly aware of our behemouth size. Maybe they just don't have the education about what they're doing to their body. Maybe they DO have the education, and the knowledge and the awareness of what foods are bad but they don't know where to start with turning their habits around. Compulsive over eating is an addiction and a habit. I liken it to smoking. I was never addicted to smoking, but the habit would always get me. The need to do something with my hands, etc. I didn't crave the nicotine, I craved the action. Eating is the same. I can eat healthy (and I really do try), but you fall in to the habit of eating nonstop and it's incredibly hard to break. You feel like you always have to have something to chew on; gum works for only so long before you need something more substantial. So you eat. And usually when these cravings for the action of eating hit, you're no where near a salad bar.

For some morbidly obese people, there is a very deep-rooted psychological issue that they are medicating with food. It may not be classic emotional eater behavior, but there is something they are trying to drown out with food. My mother is this way, and only recently do I think she's realized it after I mentioned it to her. She was a gorgeous 120 pound 5'1 woman, with wicked curves, when she married my father over 34 years ago but when she had me 10 years later, she never lost the pregnancy weight. When my sister came along, she didn't lose that pregnancy weight either and since then, she's ballooned up to her current size. While she knows far more about nutrition and what's good than I do, she's still overweight. Granted, I don't think she really takes the information on exercise to heart and because I don't have a degree in it, she won't listen to me, but in her case I do believe there's more going on than simply bad personal choices. I know for a fact that she can't stop eating. She knows she's full, she feels full, but she still needs to eat. She'll be full from dinner and an hour later will be looking for something to eat. Not because she's hungry, but because she's just craving food. I have encouraged her to talk to her doctor about this, maybe get a referral to a psychiatrist - but in the meantime utilize the psychologist visits she can have through my dad's employee and family assistance program, or through mine (since dad and I are both unionized, different unions though) to maybe help her start to understand why she over eats. I have an idea about it, but the possibility may be too painful for her to hear.

Back on track though, obesity is such a complex issue that you really can't blame it all on one factor or another: either personal choices or society. There are so many reasons why there are far more overweight people today than 30 years ago and I don't see that changing in the near future. We've become a generation of instant gratification; we want our food and we want it NOW. We don't want to have to be in the kitchen preparing it. Over the years, we've killed our tastebuds and acclimated ourselves to the taste of McDonald's, to sugary drinks and treats, fattening foods, and chemicals in prepared/pre-packaged foods than home made stuff tastes "different" and "odd". Bad food is addicting, and I wonder at times if enough research has been done on the chemicals that are pumped in to it: could that, too, be a reason for our addiction? Is the aspartame in our soda the cousin to the nicotine in our cigarettes?

I really applaud your post and while it may not have been prudent for you to approach this woman with your concerns, feeling guilty about not approaching her is a start. Whether you're an ER doc or a family doc, I think physicians can have a lot of influence on patients whether they've known them for 5 minutes, or 5 years. Sometimes, hearing about a problem from someone with a degree is more of a wake up call than just admitting it to yourself.

Not to sound cliche, either, but change starts with the first step. If we, as a society, are going to change the obesity issue - we need to make that first step. Whether it's by educating people about nutrition and exercise, or starting off with a clean slate by way of our children, change isn't going to happen unless you take that first step. Likewise, changing someone's own personal battle of the bulge won't happen until they make that first step to a healthier future: whether that step is from you addressing the issue in a kind and concerned manner, or by their own personal revelation doesn't matter. Someone needs to make it in order to help direct them to a better track.

And now, I'm taking my fat ass out for a run. Thanks for the great post!

Continuing Education

2008-10-29T17:17:00.000-07:00

So, lately I've been kind of miffed at the cost of living and how much I make. My mother always said when I was growing up, "If you want to afford nice things, get a $xx/hr job". I have that "$xx/hr" job and I'm living paycheque to paycheque with very little (if any) unnecessary spending. After realizing that it's going to take my almost month-long vacation of staying at my parents through November to get me back on track financially and get my credit cards at least half paid off, I've thrown in the towel and cried defeat. I need a new job.

But how can I get a new job? I'm trained for one thing and that is to type. I'm actually pretty lucky to have this job since I know of companies and outsourcing agents who pay way less with no benefits. That said though, all the other hospitals in our health authority and in Coastal Health pay the same wage I'm getting now so moving to another hospital would be redundant. That means I have to get more education.

For the past year or so I've been thinking about becoming a respiratory therapist. It's something that interests me, it has room for advancement, great pay, and a relatively exciting career with lots of job opportunities. Unfortunately, there's only 2 schools in Canada that offer the program; one in London, Ontario and the other in Kamloops. I would have to quit my job here, move back to Kamloops, park the car (because I wouldn't be able to afford the insurance), live with my parents, and study for 4 years then try to make my way back down here (there's no job opportunities at the hospital in Kamloops for an RT).

The other thing that has been of interest to me is cardiology technology. So I started looking around for job postings and found that they make $1/hr less than RTs. That's not bad! The course is offered through BCIT and is three 12-week terms. It's an online/distance education program. I don't have to quit work while doing it (if I'm disciplined; which I am) and graduates on average find work within a month after completing it. The only thing that I would have to do is upgrade my English, Biology, Chemistry, Physics, and Math courses.

So - that's what I did. I've just submitted an application to the VCC (Vancouver Community College) to be accepted in their adult upgrading (including high school courses) self-paced program. Yay me! I've been talking about it and thinking about it for at least a year now, if not more, but I've finally taken a step to bettering myself (again).

I am definitely looking forward to a brighter future and can't wait to get out of this typing gig.

No good, very bad weekend

2008-06-01T12:14:00.000-07:00

This is just to vent. I need it.. God save me, I need to vent.

My parents came down this weekend to take Shara to the SFU (Simon Fraser University) open house. Well, she was completely uninterested in it b/c she has her heart set on going to the Art Institute of Vancouver (though she refuses to admit it) which is a private college that costs $47,000 for a year and a half and all you get is a diploma; which my parents have already told her - they are NOT sending her too because it's too expensive and is not unlike Sprott Shaw or any other private facility; i.e. it's crap.

It took a while to find the contempary art display and they talked to the guy there about film and yadd yadda, what she needs etc. We then had to go back out to the main area outside where they were playing live band (reeaaallyy loud music) and talk to the admissions woman (the tent was right by the live band so you couldn't hear a word she said) about what Shara would need to apply for the film department. We figured out that if her Math 11 and English 12 weren't at 60% grade or better she would need to upgrade.

So then, it was almost 4 pm and the open house ended around 4 so we left to go get something to eat. On the way, we were talking to her about SFU and what they said. If her math and english aren't at 60% she has to go to TRU (TRU is in her home town) to upgrade. Well, she doesn't want to do that. She doesn't want to take that long to get what she wants. She kept saying that SFU is the only university we looked at and they're all different. No they're not.

We kept trying to tell her that no matter what university you go to, they'll all want the 60% grade in math and English, that's just how it is. So of course, she said 'well, I know one that doesn't want anything'.. which she was meaning the Art Institute. Yea, we said, they don' want anything but $47,000 for a year and a half. So then she's irked.

We get to Roman's, this little Italian place and she's arguing and we're talking about SFU and the course and etc. Then she pulls out with "Well, I kinda wanted to look around at the other options SFU had" when, up until now, she wanted NOTHING to do with any other course aside from video production and film making. Nothing else interested her and she made it very clear before hand. But now she was mad because she saw the display for archeaology and anthropology and she wanted to check it out but she didn't say that when she saw it.

So now she's pissed off at that and mom felt upset because she was kind of the leader of the day getting Shara to the area she wanted to go to. So she felt, you know, taken for granted. Anyways, then we kept talking about schooling and Shara kept saying she doesn't want to spend 6 years, 2 years upgrading, 4 years in the film courses, to get where she wants to go. She doesn't want to spend that long doing something in other words, she wants to take the easy way out.

So we told her that good things take time; if you rush into something you will lose out in the end and it's better to take your time. at least if she's in an actual university and she decides 8 months in that she doesn't like it, she could transfer to other studies. In a private college, you can't do that and youre paying almost double.

Every time I opened my mouth to say something, she kept giving me these looks that said 'shut the fuck up' or 'what the fuck do you know" and ignored me. So I was like 'fine, whatever'. Dinner went fine after we left the topic of school b/c she just won't listen. She has her heart set on taking the easy way out of something and she's done that all her life.

Anyways, we came home, watched the hockey game and all that. They went to bed. I slept on the couch and mom got up at like 6 a.m. Because I forgot to put the coffee out for her and all that and she couldn't reach it, she went to Tim Hortons and had a muffin and some coffee. Then dad gets up at 8 and they have a little squabble about dad training Maggie. He gets pissed off and starts smacking her with his hat (Maggie, not mom); well of course she wont come back to him

They didn't fight too bad and went out for breakfast at 8:30. They asked if I wanted to come but.. fuck it's 8;30.. I have to work in the evening so I said no.. I wanted sleeeep.

I slept until they got back at 9:30.. then I got up and gathered all my laundry and took it over to the laundromat. I was going to go to Dennys for breakfast and they'd meet me but it was too busy there so I went home before they took Zoe to Petsmart to get her clipped.

We went to Petsmart. I had to a get a new wheel for my hamster anyways and while we're there mom and I got into a little argument about how to train zoe to heel. Mom was taking the lead and swinging it in a loop, not hitting her but enough that if zoe walked into it she'd hit it. So I was going 'well yea, of course she's going to stay close when you have the leash real tight and she heels fine for me'. so mom got upset and said 'fine, you try'. I took zoe and she did heel for a bit but of course, mom goes 'that's not heeling' etc. etc even though the leash was slack in my hands and she was at my heel.

Anyways. She goes on and on about teaching the dog to heel and I kept going 'all right.. ok.. ya I get it".. not really wanting to go too into it. So we left, dad wanted to take Maggie for a quick walk to see how she would walk on a leash so I went to my car to read a book until he got back.

Meanwhile, mom starts bawling her eyes out in their car and when dad comes back he comes over and asks what I want to do.

I asked why she's crying. He said she was just frustrated and blah blah.. I get pissed off because he said she's mad at me for being mad at her and getting in an argument. I said we weren't in an argument and there's no need for her to get upset.

So anyways, I said I didn't know what I wanted to do. I wasn't hungry anymore so he went back to the car and asked mom what she wanted, she, of course, said 'i don't care what we do' so now dad's pissed off. I said 'i have to check my laundry soon and i have to go to work' I was crying by now, I floored it and went home even though dad was trying to calm me down.

I figured, fine.. I dont want to go to work tonight anyways. I e-mailed my boss, said I wasn't coming in. When they got back I told them.. look we can do whatever you want.. I don't have to go to work.. i just took it off. Now dad's upset with me because I took a sick day (I'm actually not feeling the best anyways) and mom's crying still so we all ended up getting into it

Mom said she didn't even WANT to come down here this weekend because she has so much house work to do at home. I told her, "I told you, send Shara on the bus and I'd take her to the SFU thing. You guys didn't have to come down" then she goes "I told dad that but he said 'no, we'll all go'".. and dad's going "I didn't know you didn't want to come down, no one said that to me!"

Mom's going 'yes I did tell you, i have stuff to do because you don't want to do the work so we can sell.. i want to sell the house.. we've agreed to it.. i have to do the work because you obviously don't want to and we had to come down because you didn't want to put Shara on a bus and I don't know why we even took her to SFU because she was completely uninterested' and now shara's yelling 'i wanted to go.. but i wanted to see other things too - not just film! maybe i should just keep my damn mouth shut then!?"and then it goes back and forth about how dad does this and how shara was making mom feel bad and how it all culminated when I got in a bit of an argument with mom over Zoe, who had a massive fucking seizure last night.

So we're arguing, everyone's crying.. dad's trying not to.. I finally freaked and said "i cant fucking take this. every time you all come down or i go up there, you fight. you're at each others throats and i cant take it anymore" and dads going "ok.. ok.. I know.. ya.." not saying much else. I got pssy said I had to go check my laundry and took off.

When I came back, they were packing up the car. I said 'you know, i don't know why you're leaving now, you won't get shit done when you get home you'll be too tired'.. dad's sitting behind mom waving his hands and shaking his head while she rolls her eyes and goes 'fine.. what do you want to do Larry?" and dad goes "We're going home... " so mom goes "See? We're going home"..

I said fine.. whatever.. went to my room and slammed the door to have a good cry. Dad came in and tried to calm me down.. but he ended up making me mad anyways by continually bitching about how he has to do all the house work and mom will just bitch and moan about it but I didn't say anything.. enough fighting for one day

Then mom comes in and gives me a hug, says she loves me, but it's a weak hug b/c she's still mad at me. So whatever. Then they leave.. mom would hardly look at me.

I seriously think mom needs to go back to the doctor and talk about how every little thing seems to set her off and she gets upset over everything. Lord knows she's been on Prozac for over 18 years on the same dosage to chances are VERY good it's lost its effectiveness but if I said anything to her, she wouldn't believe me OR get mad.

All in all, one shitty weekend.

MOVED! (again)

2007-09-20T13:32:00.000-07:00

Thanks to the wonderful, lovable Moof, this blog has moved AGAIN. Please update your links or bookmarks:

Confessions of a Cube Boob

What's your sound?

2007-09-18T20:01:00.000-07:00

This is my sound, apparently. I quite like it to be honest. So go on - what's your sound?

Moved

2007-09-18T12:10:00.000-07:00

Please change your bookmarks and/or links to this blog. I have moved.

http://stenoslave.wordpress.com

That is the new site. Hope to see you all over there.

Rich Bitch

2007-09-10T15:28:00.000-07:00

I had the pleasure of almost being hit by one of these today and looking back, I kind of wished I had swerved into its path. Let me set up the scene for you:

I am travelling North East towards work and slowed down because the pedestrian controlled, flashing green light became solid and thus meant it would turn yellow. Yes people, I slowed down BEFORE it became yellow mostly because I have seen a few accidents where pedestrians walked out before the light was actually red. It turned yellow and I stopped. This particular place is on a bit of an incline and ahead of me, to my right is the hospital with the Emergeny Department entrance shortly after the lights. I glanced into my rear view mirror out of habit and noticed a large SUV (which I would later learn was a Porshe Cayenne) behind me. In the driver seat was a young woman, about 30-ish, large sunglasses with white rims. Someone with obvious money. The light then turned flashing green and I pressed on the gas.

Right after the lights that I was stopped at the speed limit is 30 km/hr due to the hospital zone and because there's doctor offices across the street on both sides of the hospital and in front of it it's very wise to be doing 30. Not to mention the amount of police that are usually around as we're a major trauma hospital in the area. I should mention that there's only 2 lanes; the one I was in and the oncoming lane. Directly after the lights I was at is the Emergency Department entrance which people pull in to, and right after that is a bus stop so naturally the street is a little wider. Right after the bus stop, are parked cars. Ahead of me, is a cross walk and a car in my lane turning left up the side street but waiting for oncoming traffic to clear. In front of him but in the oncoming lane, is an ambulance waiting for an opening to turn across my lane to get in through the ambulance entrance.

I had just passed the ED entrance and was just about to the parked cars when I had to hit the brakes.

Rich Bitch behind me gunned it, passed me on the right, and had less than 4 inches between my car and hers, and her car and the parked car to make it through then she was right on the ass end of the poor guy trying to turn left so she swerved, again narrowly missing the other parked car (ahead of the one that I was near) and into the line of travel of the ambulance who, until that point, had lots of time to go ahead and turn (as I was, like I mentioned, going slow due to the hospital zone). She narrowly missed the ambulance; he had to hit the brakes. I had to hit the brakes. If I had been another foot and a half forward, she would have hit me.

Naturally, when one is in such a situation you want to track the driver down and beat them senseless. But I had to get to work otherwise I most definitely would have followed, got the license plate and called the cops. If she would have hit me, I would have sued her for all she's worth (which judging by the car she was driving; was a lot). As it were, all I was able to do was lay on the horn as she swerved in front of me and just before she almost hit the ambulance. The whole incident probably took less than 4 seconds. She was going way above the speed limit (I was pushing it at about 35 km/hr); I'd wager she was going around 60 near the end.

Most of the time, I'm not usually angry when I drive. I get frustrated (like when the guy was doing 40 km/hr in a 70 zone in the left hand lane earlier today) but I rarely use the horn unless I feel I need to. I used it on the little Indian girl down the street as she was actively trying to get hit by my car (on her bike, swerving in front of me, pulling to the side and then shooting across the road again, riding up within inches of my car etc.); I scared her but obviously that's what she needs since her parents obviously didn't teach her road sense. I used it on another guy who cut me off in the middle of an intersection causing me to have to swerve into oncoming traffic so as to avoid being smacked by him. And I've used it to let a guy know it was a green light when all he did was just sit there. I don't get angry a lot when I drive. As long as I don't hit or get hit, I'm usually a level headed driver.

But today I lost it. I actually wanted to smash this woman's head in. Not only did she endanger my life, she endangered her own, plus the guy in the car turning left, plus the ambulance drivers plus any pedestrians that might have stepped out from between the parked cars. I wished I would have moved to the right just a bit, I wish I would have clipped her. I wish I could have tore her a new one. How irresponsible can you be to endanger so many lives because you choose not to obey the speed limit in a hospital zone. I almost wish this catches up to her, either with the police nabbing or her bad driving habits catching up. And I almost hope that I'm the typist who gets to write up the report. Bad karma? Maybe, but I'm willing to suffer through it this time.

You don't endanger so many lives like she did and get away scott free.

She of course, in reaction to my blowing the horn for a good 70 feet, leaned out the window and fingered me. Nice. Those are some nice manners your momma taught you Miss Rich Bitch.

Real nice.

Eyes

2007-09-04T15:35:00.000-07:00

You know, I never really thought much about my eyes until today when I was looking at one of the pictures I took of myself in my car yesterday; it turned out quite well and with a bit of tweaking in CS3 it looks even better. One thing that stood out (and has in other pictures) are my eyes. There's one photo I have, taken via my webcam, and when I added it as my display picture on MSN a friend in Red Deer Alberta said "Holy shit, what amazing eyes!". On singles sites I've often received e-mails touting the awesomeness of my eyes. Of course, I'd always deleted them and shrugged it off as guys trying to get laid but this picture I took yesterday made me sit up and take notice.

What color are those eyes? To me, they look blue. But then when I look at them again, they look green-y. When I look in the mirror, my eyes are green with gold flecks (I had an ER doc comment on them once; the gold and color of my eyes, something about lovely contrast or something) inside. Sitting in a room, they look greenish-blue. On another image taken from my webcam, they look baby blue.

Is it the lighting? The composition? Shadows? What?

Also, I should mention when I cry or get overly emotional, my eyes turn vivid green. One ex boyfriend described me as the "human mood ring", not necessarily a term I liked.

If eyes are the window to my soul, and I can't figure out what color that window is, does that reflect on the state of my soul?

Hate

2007-09-03T10:15:00.000-07:00

I hate my job.
I'm ready to quit.
I dislike my coworker.
I want to throttle her half of the time.
I should never have tried to 'make it' in the world.
They were all right. All of them.
I will not succeed.

I didn't take your broach...But don't worry, it'll come back as a butterfly...

2007-09-01T12:47:00.000-07:00

You're Anne of Green Gables!

by L.M. Montgomery

Bright, chipper, vivid, but with the emotional fortitude of cottage
cheese, you make quite an impression on everyone you meet. You're impulsive, rash,
honest, and probably don't have a great relationship with your parents. People hurt
your feelings constantly, but your brazen honestly doesn't exactly treat others with
kid gloves. Ultimately, though, you win the hearts and minds of everyone that matters.
You spell your name with an E and you want everyone to know about it.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Took it again - this is what I got (see below)

You're Siddhartha!

by Hermann Hesse

You simply don't know what to believe, but you're willing to try
anything once. Western values, Eastern values, hedonism and minimalism, you've spent
some time in every camp. But you still don't have any idea what camp you belong in.
This makes you an individualist of the highest order, but also really lonely. It's
time to chill out under a tree. And realize that at least you believe in
ferries.

Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Where Were You?

2007-08-31T17:00:00.000-07:00

Where were you 10 years ago? Do you remember the moment in time that you heard Princess Diana died?

I do.

I was playing Super Mario Bros. 64 with my sister, my dad watching on and laughing at us. I was on the first world, trying to get one of the stars when my friend who was formally from Scotland called and told us "Princess Diana died". I told my dad, and he sighed and went "Ohh, no. Not her." Then mom wanted to know what happened, she was sad when she heard. We turned the game off and watched the news.

I have tons of stuff; a Time magazine from just a month before she was killed. Collector plates. Articles. Books.

I loved her. She embodied everything I wanted to be. Kind. Generous. Compassionate. Giving. Altruistic. Then, just a short time later Mother Theresa died. Another wonderful woman gone.

I remember where I was.
Do you?

Funny Stuff

2007-08-31T00:40:00.001-07:00

THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DURING SURGERY

# Well folks, this will be an experiment for all of us.
# Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500 ml of this stuff before?
# Nurse, did this patient sign the organ donation card?
# Ya' know... there's big money in kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em.
# Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?
# Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.
# Damm! There go the lights again...
# What's this doing here?
# That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!
# Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!
# Sterile, schemerle. The floor's clean, right?
# What do you mean he wasn't in for a sex change?
# OK, now take a picture from this angle. This is truly a freak of nature.
# This patient has already had some kids, am I correct?
# Don't worry. I think it is sharp enough.
# Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.
# Isn't this the guy with the really lousy insurance?

Diet Features

2007-08-30T22:28:00.001-07:00

You may notice on the right hand side of your screen, just above the history, there's a new section there regarding food intake. I've decided I want to be more accountable for what I eat since I don't tend to eat all that well.

I figured this is a good way to be held accountable for my bad habits. I'm not sure how I'll be held accountable but having to type out what I eat in a day will probably make me realize and be more aware of the food I'm putting into my body. That and it is kind of embarassing.

Alive

2007-08-30T15:27:00.000-07:00

And kickin'. Went back to the doctor on Tuesday b/c my hand was not feeling better; got a new, stronger dose of anti-inflammatories which are helping. Back at work, not much has changed. Coworker is still mothering me but I barely listen to her now. Had a workplace ergonomic assessment and was told there wasn't much wrong with my station. Have to go to physiotherapy for my hand and ordered a new mouse pad with a cushy gel rest.

Get paid tomorrow. No money. Have to use up what's in the fridge and freezer for food until next pay day. No fun. Shouldn't have bought the car. Or the camera. One or the other.

Looking for a second job. Hard to find with my hours. Everyone wants evening help. I need morning work.

*sigh*

10 Years

2007-08-20T19:32:00.000-07:00

Where will you see yourself in ten years?

Me? At the moment I'm possibly counting on dead. If this is as good as life gets, I think I'd like to pull the plug; the water's gotten a little cold already.

I'm bitter.
I'm depressed.
And I'm off work for a week due to injury.
And I have enough pain killers to do some damage (I won't, don't be fretting).

This is going to be a fun week (not).

I could seriously use some of that "disappear off the face of the Earth" dust all these missing persons seem to have found.

My Disorder

2007-08-20T16:52:00.001-07:00

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	Low
Schizoid:	Low
Schizotypal:	High
Antisocial:	Low
Borderline:	Low
Histrionic:	Moderate
Narcissistic:	Low
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	Moderate
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Moderate
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

Rant

2007-08-19T16:46:00.000-07:00

Learn to use the @#*$&^% Dictaphone properly!

/rant

Pictures from today

2007-08-18T17:04:00.000-07:00

Some pictures from today. All that has been done to them is resized and a few have been auto layered a bit I think. I can't really remember. Anyways, I took a whole bunch but these are the only ones I'm satisfied with. Got lots of me too but those didn't turn out nice. Or.. at least I don't think so. LOL

*Click on the pictures to see them a bit larger*

Name That Disease

2007-08-17T10:29:00.001-07:00

I rock at stuff like this.

NameThatDisease.com - Test your disease knowledge

Rate My Life

2007-08-16T17:29:00.001-07:00

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6
Mind:	5.2
Body:	5.2
Spirit:	5.9
Friends/Family:	3.8
Love:	1.4
Finance:	7.6
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Overheard

2007-08-15T19:21:00.001-07:00

Woman holding inhaler: So I just cock it and suck on it?

Nurse: You might not want to put it just that way.

Me: *snicker*

The SPCA and Me.

2007-08-15T16:22:00.000-07:00

Today I pulled into the parkade and scored a spot on the first level. I'm always happy with this because this is where the security guards/booth operators are so I feel a bit safer. As I'm sitting there with the car turned off and the door open a bit attempting to call my mother (for like the ninth time today), I happen to look at the car right next to me on the left. It's an older style Crown Victoria, red, and has a sun shade on it. Weird I thought since we're covered in the parkade. Then I see it. He popped his head up. This little tiny white dog. And he's panting like hell.

Startled, I looked at the thermometer on my car which was now slightly cooled. It still read 29C as opposed to the 31C it was outside in the sun. It's still very hot. I get out and look into the car where the little dog is staggering back and forth looking not so well.

Luckily I had a piece of paper and wrote the license plate down as well as a description of the vehicle. I then went into work and asked who I call about this. I was told to go to security, maybe they could page the owners of the vehicle. So I go down to security and they direct me to Information. Information directs me to the little phone which connects me to the switchboard who tells me they do not do over head pages unless it's a stat; such as a code or whatever.

I go back to the office and get the number for the SPCA. Down into the parkade I go where I call them. Only to find out I've got the wrong one, they direct me to the other one who tells me I have to call the animal shelter in my town so I do and it's busy. I wait, and call again. Busy. It took about 15 minutes to get through and I tell them what's going on. The dog looks okay, he's a little unsteady on his feet, panting like hell, tail between his legs. They say someone's on their way.

Finally get ahold of mom. Tell her what's going on. SPCA calls back so have to take the call. They tell me they can't send someone over unless the dog is in serious distress and it sounds like it isn't. I tell them I don't know how long he's been there nor how long he will be there. For all I know the owners might not show until visiting hours are over in 5 hours. They said to check on the dog in an hour and call back if he's gone downhill. They take the license plate number and will track the owners down and talk to them.

Call mom back, then have to get off the phone because the guy that owns the dog shows up. I asked if it was his dog, it was. I ask how long he's been here. He says half an hour. It's now ten to 4 and I've been worried about the poor thing since ten to 3; more than half an hour. I tell him this, he tells me that he can show his ticket I said no. He picks the dog up and he is okay. Then I tell him that I had to call the SPCA because I was worried.

And he got mad! He goes "Well, thanks a lot". You know what? You're welcome. I told him - look your dog was acting strange, it's hotter than hell in the parkade and I'm sweating down my back just standing here I can't imagine how hot it is inside your car. I was worried for your dog, I have a small dog of my own. I didn't know how long you have been here or how long you'd be. I did what I thought was best for the dog. I'm sorry that I had to call police but you really should not be bringing your dog with you if you can't take him inside where you are going. It's too hot for them to be in this heat; even if not in direct sun.

The guy says the dog is on valium because his "mommy" (i.e. the owner's wife) is in the hospital and the dog's been edgy. And he's deaf (the dog) so he get's scared and that's why he was shaking.

But I just couldn't believe he was mad. I thought I was doing the right thing. How do I know that he was going to show up soon? How was I supposed to know the dog is drugged and so a little loopy?

I told him I was very glad his dog was okay, that the SPCA will probably just call him and talk. Nothing was going to be done, they weren't sending someone over to take the dog away. He seemed to be a little calmed by that but was still mad I called them.

Am I wrong? Should I have just left it? My conscience says no. But I just don't know now.

I thought I was doing what was right. I saw a dog in a locked car. It's hotter than hell out even in the parkade. I don't know how long the dog has been there nor how long he will be there. Should I have just left it?

Geek

2007-08-15T00:46:00.000-07:00

99% GeekMingle² - Free Online Dating

Yea, I knew that LOL

Spelling test

2007-08-15T00:33:00.000-07:00

I Scored a 100%!

Mingle² - Free Online Dating

Yea, if I failed this I should like quit working!

WANTED!

2007-08-15T00:27:00.001-07:00

stenoslave.blogspot.com

WANTED FOR THE OVERLY ENTHUSIASTIC MOUNTING of a VULGAR TURKEY

$2300

What's Your Blog Wanted For?

Free Online Dating from Mingle²

^{I guess I better hide somewhere. Eeep!}

Keyboard germs

2007-08-15T00:19:00.001-07:00

3,640,140

Mingle² - Dating Site

Just ew. So terribly disgusting it's not funny. They said it's the equivalent of 741 toilets. Yuck.

Wow.

2007-08-14T21:30:00.000-07:00

Strange Hands

That's got to be one of the strangest and most shocking things I've ever seen. I actually jumped a bit when I saw the picture. Just, unbelievable. Anyone have any good information on this?

Blog Addiction

2007-08-13T22:09:00.000-07:00

95%

Mingle² - Dating Site

And on another topic - happy 100th post to me!

Debt

2007-08-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

Well I'm in more debt to my parents thanks to Future Shop and Nikon.

That is my new baby. Nikon D40x, 10 megapixels, 18-55 mm zoom lens with additional 55-200 mm telephoto zoom lens at barely no extra charge. Four gig memory card, carrying case, extended warranty with yearly cleanings, and we're looking at $1600 more in debt to my parents who put it on credit since Future Shop wouldn't give me credit b/c my credit card is too new.

The pictures this thing takes are amazing. There's no lag between shutter button and shutter close, the pictures aren't blurry except the background which is supposed to be.

I looked at several cameras before deciding on this one. I looked at the Olympus Evolt, the Canon Rebel XT and the Canon Rebel XTi, a Pentax and of course the Nikon D40. I settled on this one because Nikon is a good name that I can rely on. It was cheaper than the Pentax which is a better name. I don't want to go with Canon again because of the problems I had with the Canon Powershot. The lenses are easily changed and it's 10 megapixels. And yes - megapixels DO make difference on photo quality. Whoever told me they didn't is an idiot. My cell phone has 2 megapixels, my camera has 10.. which do you think takes better pictures? Obviously the camera. Not the cell phone. My Canon had 3 megapixels the Nikon has 10.. more megapixels = more light per pixel = better photo quality.

Anyways, I'm in love. This thing it measures the nearest object you're going to take a picture of then lightly blurs the background so more focus is on that object. If it's a person, it also evens out skin tones automatically. I took a few pictures at home and while they're bad composition, they still look very professional. One was even an action shot of my dad doing this weird little jig, I just turned a bit and clicked the shutter button and captured a perfectly clear picture - not blurred in the slightest.

Simply amazing. Love it. *swoon*

Facebook

2007-08-10T03:32:00.000-07:00

So, with everyone and their dog (literally) being on Facebook these days, I was wondering how horribly wrong would it be to, theoretically, add some of the doctors or nurses to my friends list? I have 1 nurse on there now whom I've met through the group "Anyone who works at Generic City Hospital" and think I might have found one of the doctors. Is it terribly unprofessional or creepy? I'd probably put money on creepy if I were to ask the doctor to join my friends list.

Hrm. Must ponder this along with 3 a.m. brownies.

BTW - if someone wants to add me to their facebook, send me an e-mail. :)

Courage

2007-08-09T16:46:00.000-07:00

Scalpel's recent post Bad Idea brought back some interesting memories from my youth. Normally I don't have a good memory anywhere past 5 or so years ago, everything gets hazy and I can only recall small, seemingly insignificant events or feelings associated with some events. But there's a few memories I won't be able to rid myself of, no matter how hard I try.

When I was 14 I fell in love for the first time, and boy did I fall. Hard and fast. We'll call him Joe. He was a couple of years older than me and by that I mean he was 18. Joe was a redhead, freckles, cute personality and all around good guy. It started with just casual chatting for several months and then went on to more serious interactions. We met in person after a few months, at a mall because I was paranoid about meeting him somewhere secluded, and we hit it off amazingly. Everything about us clicked. We had the same interests, beliefs, morals, values, shared the same goals; it was magic. Even my parents liked him.

Then one day about 5 months into the relationship I got cheeky and pretended to be mad at him and called him by his full name, only I called him Joseph instead of Joe.

"Who the hell is Joseph? Are you fucking cheating on me? You skank, you're cheating on me aren't you! How fucking dare you! Who the fuck is Joseph? I'll kill him! I swear to God if you're fucking cheating I'll kill you both!"

Stunned, all I could do was apologize and told him I thought his full name was Joseph, that usually guys that go by Joe are shortening Joseph. I spend 6 hours pleading with him to believe me I wasn't cheating on him. There was no 'Joseph'. That it was a mistake. I missed a lot of sleep over it, trying to calm him down but in the end he relaxed and we said good night. I thought it was over. I thought it was a one-time thing.

I went to meet him one day at a local cafe, it was warm out and I was wearing a knee length skirt and a blouse with short sleeves. My hair was done up in a pony tail and I felt really cute. The minute I see him, he leaps out of the chair and grabs me by the forearm, smiling the whole while. He was hurting me, I thought he was going to break my arm the way he dragged me off behind the building.

"You little whore. Why the fuck are you wearing that? Do you think I want other people looking at you like a tramp! I don't want you wearing fucking skirts! Look at your short sleeves! What, you WANT someone else as your boyfriend? Fuck you."

That's when he first hit me. He backhanded me. I stumbled back. I could taste the blood oozing from my lip. Tears were blurring my vision and I had sunk to the ground, the rocks of the gravel digging in to my butt and thighs.

"Don't you ever fucking wear a skirt again. You understand me? You'll wear what I tell you to wear and it aint no fucking tramp clothes like that!"

Mutely I nodded, too much in shock and too much in love to disagree with him. When I went home, my dad asked me about the bruised lip and I told him I had gotten beaten up at school, then pleaded with him not to get involved. I was only 14. It would make things worse I told him. He never knew Joe hit me.

From then on I wore long sleeved shirts and baggy jeans. My parents began to suspect things were wrong when Joe and I would fight for hours on the phone. They told me he was abusive. I didn't believe them. Joe had a temper but it was okay because we were working on it. We'd get through it. We loved each other after all, didn't we?

One night Joe got the notion that I was cheating on him again, with someone online. After fighting and screaming into the phone my dad finally had enough and took it away. That's when Joe did something that really surprised me. He lied to my dad. He told him that I was cheating on him and having cyber sex online. I was 14. He told my dad all these awful lies about what I was doing online. But thankfully my dad didn't believe him. When the phone was handed back to me, Joe's words were "I can make your life a living hell, or paradise. Do not piss me off like this again. - Click - ".

Just before school was letting out for the summer, I mentioned to Joe that I had gotten angry at one of the guys in my class. He was staring at my chest because I had decided to wear this really cute low cut top to school. Joe went crazy. I wasn't allowed to wear such clothes, he told me, in between swings. I wasn't allowed to talk to other guys. I was flirting with them. I was always flirting. I was such a whore. A bitch. A slut. I had bruises on my stomach and chest, a cut on my lip again. He twisted my arms back behind me until I swear I thought they were going to break. He made me promise, over and over again never to talk to another man unless I absolutely had to - i.e. my father or a teacher. That I was only to talk to him.

I promised him. I loved him, after all right? You do strange things for love, right? Keeping the other person happy is what love is about right?

For his 19th birthday I bought him a book I thought he'd like. He did and he was very sweet and gentle with me.

For my 15th birthday, he gave me his graduation sweater which I adored because it smelled like him. I put it over my stuffed bear and slept with it. My parents were a little sore because I was more enthused with his sweater than the expensive playstation game they had bought me, which set them back quite a bit.

Over the summer I had some friends over one night and Joe called. He wanted to talk to my friend Amber so I handed over the phone. Afterwards, he yelled and screamed at me because he thought we were doing pot because Amber had a deep voice for a girl. He threatened to call the police on us, to tell my parents. Amber told him he was a lunatic and then he forbade me to ever see her again.

Another friend, Ashley, had gotten his ICQ number (this was before MSN days) from me and had begun talking with him. Ashley could be a mean spirited person. She was grossly overweight but still dressed in clothes 4 sizes too small for her. She did drugs, a lot of them, and drank. I have no idea why I was friends with her but we were - best friends. That is until, she decided she wanted Joe. Joe, however, wanted nothing to do with her and he made it clear to her several times.

One night, I went out horse back riding with another friend, the daughter of the woman we were boarding our horse with. I wasn't home until well past 6 o'clock, the time I usually called Joe. Thinking it was too late and because my friend had decided to spend the night, I didn't call him. It wasn't until about 2 a.m. that he called me. Thankfully we were still awake and I got to the phone before it woke up my parents.

"You drive me to drink you little whore. Look what you did.. I'm drunk. I got drunk because of you. Because you never called. I fucking hate you.. you're such a little whore. You know, I could have Ashley.. she wants me.. she loves me. You don't love me. Fuck you. You drive me to drink. I'll die from alcohol because of you!"

Maybe it was the early hour he had called, maybe it was that he was drunk or maybe it was me finally finding my voice but I told him no one pushes anyone to drink. That if he wants Ashley to go ahead, but not to talk to me until he's sober. I hung up on him. For the first time in our relationship, I had hung up. I felt empowered.

That feeling didn't last long. He caught me the next day. He was apologetic, saying it was stupid to call me so late and after he had been drinking. He was so sorry for what he had said. He never meant it. I, like a wounded puppy, believed him again. We went back to his parents place. His parents were out of town for the summer. There, he beat me. I had only ever gotten the belt once in my life from my father after I threw a hissy fit at school and had to be drug off school property by my mother but Joe took his belt to me that day until I had welts on my ass. I thought I would never be able to sit down again. I was scared they'd bleed and get infected. He didn't just belt me, he hit me across the back. When he wasn't satisfied with that, he used the belt to fasten my hands behind me and forced my mouth on him.

When it was over, and I was left in his room on the floor, sobbing hysterically he came back with a wash cloth and cleaned my face, untied my hands and told me he was sorry. That he loved me. That he never wanted to hurt me. But I made him so mad. Why did I have to make him so mad. Why couldn't I just be a good girl? I promised him I would be a good girl. I loved him. God, I still fucking loved him.

My parents again said nothing about me being sore the next day. I don't think they suspected anything. And if they did, they were unsure how to handle it. They had seen me go through so much pain in school, I had begged them not to get involved, that I think they were grateful just for me to be happy even a little bit that they weren't going to step in. I'm not sure that even today, I would have wanted them involved. I think this was a journey I had to make on my own. Would I advise other parents to stay on the sidelines? No. So I guess I'm somewhat of a hypocrite.

Sometime in July, after my birthday, he had a friend over. A girl. She stayed the night oh but they didn't sleep together. She slept on the couch. I told him I wasn't happy about that. He told me to shut the fuck up, that he would do what he wanted and if I didn't believe him, too bad.

It wasn't until August of that year when I truly got my wings and found my voice. My best friend had moved out of the country that spring and for whatever reason Joe suddenly decided I was no longer allowed to talk with her. That sent me over the edge. This girl had been my friend since grade 4 and no one would get between our friendship. Not even Joe. I told him what a horrible jerk he was, what a coward he was, how mean he was. He threw a fit. He destroyed everything in sight, he punched holes in the wall, I could hear them. We fought over the phone this time. He threatened to come kill me. Then he started sobbing, hysterical sobs. Pleading with me. I told him no. It was over. Enough was enough. I wasn't going to be repeatedly hurt like this. I wasn't going to be subject to his mood swings, to his jealousy, to his torments and his abuse. I was through.

Like a baby he wailed, threatening me, hating me, screaming at me. He was so upset he vomited, several times. Making me privy to the sound. He went again on a rampage. Screaming and terrorizing his room. I told him, finally, what an idiot he was. How ridiculous he sounded and acted. How childish.

He swore at me. Told me my life would be hell.

I hung up the phone. I opened my bedroom door and attempted to put the pieces of my life back together.

It wasn't the end however. He would call at odd times during the day and scream at what a bitch I was. Finally, after about a week of this, I called him back after one of his 5 second tirades and got his father on the first ring.

"Is Joe there?"

"Joe doesn't want to talk to you."

"Then tell Joe, you're 19-year-old son, to stop calling my house at all hours of the day and night and screaming into the phone." Click.

Ashley tried to kill me a few times but after managing to get a group of 80 people behind me and going to the police office, I filed a report against her. I moved out of that town the following spring and heard that she had come back for Spring Break (she had left town just after school started again) with a group of 15 people looking for me, saying they were going to kill me.

Joe tracked me down a year later and told me he wanted his grad sweater and photos he sent me back. I told him they were burned long ago.

I had found my voice. I had found my courage, buried deep inside me after being beaten into near nonexistence. I managed to throw off the shackles he put me in and fight back. To stand up and say 'enough'.

Was it a good experience? No. It most certainly was not. If I had my life to do over again, would I skip over this part? Surprisingly, no. Despite the fact that this was a negative experience, what I gained from it was positive. I learned to stand up for myself, to look for 'red flags' in potential partners. I learned when I was being abused or used and I learned how to get away from it. I learned that I am worth more to myself, than I'll ever be worth to anyone else. I learned that sometimes you have to go through these bad experiences to learn lessons for life ahead. Do I wish my parents intervened and called the police? No. For me this would have not helped me with the learning process. Besides, I believe in Karma and I'll tell you - Karma bit Joe in the ass big time. I won't go into specifics but let's just say he got a taste of his own medicine.

My heart goes out to the women who haven't found their voice. Who don't have their wings. Who can't say no. Who don't know how to say 'enough'. Sometimes, they aren't being stupid. Sometimes, they just don't know any other way of life. Sometimes, their self-esteem is so low that they convince themselves this is the best they'll ever do. And sometimes, they truly do love the man, despite his flaws. Despite the abuse. Sometimes, they need to go through the experience before some of them learn to stand up for themselves, to know when to defend themselves. And sometimes, no matter how much you try, whatever help you offer them isn't enough. Sometimes, they have to do it on their own.

I will never forget the day I found my courage. I will never forget the day I found my voice. And to this day, to this very day, I still know how to use both. It doesn't mean I haven't fallen a few times, it doesn't mean I haven't been tricked. But those subsequent times are not nearly as drawn out as the first.

Because now, I am able to say "enough".

** Please note the above scenario is a combination of a few relationships I have suffered through. Most of the details however do pertain to one individual but have been tweaked and modified to help protect my identity as well as to save space from going through each one individually. Names have been changed and some details have been fabricated completely from my imagination. I would say a good 90% of it is true however.**

Overheard

2007-08-08T21:54:00.000-07:00

Nurse, pointing to birth control questionnaire: Ma'am, I think you answered this question incorrectly.

15-year-old girl: No, that's right.

Nurse: It asks how long you've been with your current partner. You said five minutes.

15-year-old girl: That's how long it took.

Pea Brain

2007-08-07T16:26:00.000-07:00

Man lives normal life despite abnormal brain.

A man with an unusually tiny brain managed to live an entirely normal life despite his condition, caused by a fluid buildup in his skull, French researchers reported on Thursday.

Scans of the 44-year-old man's brain showed that a huge fluid-filled chamber called a ventricle took up most of the room in his skull, leaving little more than a thin sheet of actual brain tissue.

"He was a married father of two children, and worked as a civil servant," Dr. Lionel Feuillet and colleagues at a university in Marseille wrote in a letter to the Lancet medical journal.

The man went to a hospital after he had mild weakness in his left leg. When Dr. Feuillet's staff took his medical history, they learned he had had a shunt inserted into his head to drain away hydrocephalus -- water on the brain -- as an infant.

MRI scans of a 44-year-old man's brain show a huge fluid-filled chamber called a ventricle taking up most of the room in his skull, leaving little more than a thin sheet of actual brain tissue, in this handout image released by French researchers.

The shunt was removed when he was 14.

So the researchers did a computed tomography (CT) scan and another type of scan called magnetic resonance imaging (MRI). They were astonished to see "massive enlargement" of the lateral ventricles -- usually tiny chambers that hold the cerebrospinal fluid that cushions the brain.

Intelligence tests showed the man had an IQ of 75, below the average score of 100 but not considered mentally retarded or disabled, either.

"What I find amazing to this day is how the brain can deal with something which you think should not be compatible with life," commented Dr. Max Muenke, a pediatric brain defect specialist at the National Human Genome Research Institute.

"If something happens very slowly over quite some time, maybe over decades, the different parts of the brain take up functions that would normally be done by the part that is pushed to the side," added Dr. Muenke, who was not involved in the case

Brings a whole new meaning to 'empty headedness'.

Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw

2007-08-07T11:45:00.001-07:00

The sorting hat says that I belong in Ravenclaw!

Said Ravenclaw, "We'll teach those whose intelligence is surest."

Ravenclaw students tend to be clever, witty, intelligent, and knowledgeable.
Notable residents include Cho Chang and Padma Patil (objects of Harry and Ron's affections), and Luna Lovegood (daughter of The Quibbler magazine's editor).

Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz ever created.

Get Sorted Now!

The sorting hat says that I belong in Hufflepuff!

Said Hufflepuff, "I'll teach the lot, and treat them just the same."

Hufflepuff students are friendly, fair-minded, modest, and hard-working. A well-known member was Cedric Digory, who represented Hogwarts in the most recent Triwizard Tournament.

Take the most scientific Harry Potter
Quiz ever created.

Get Sorted Now!

Both came within a few points of each other so I decided to share both. I also got Slytherin way down at 33% and Gryffindor at 62%.

10 Things you didn't know about me (and probably wished you didn't)

2007-08-06T22:29:00.000-07:00

1. I secretly enjoy children's shows, some of them. Guess it's not a secret now.
2. I have crushes on several of the doctors I see daily. And no, I won't tell who.
3. I hate dark chocolate.
4. My underwear has a smart ass attitude; well most of them do. 5.
I am terrified of needles.
6. I like watching old episodes of The Honeymooners.
7. I've always wanted to go super, punk/goth. Cut my hair and dye it pink, get tattoos and piercings. But I also like my very conservative job so..yea,.
8. I save things. Stupid things. Like a picture I drew 8 years ago. A test from grade 4. Those sort of things. That's why I have so many boxes in my place; just from saved stuff I can't bear to throw out.
9. I collect antiques. I have 4 glass bottles; three of collector additions of Kahlua and one glass one of Aunt Jemima. I also have an old video camera from the 60s. I want more, but I've run out of room for stuff.
10. I do not have a boyfriend, and I am happy in my singelness-ness. So there. :P

The Girls

2007-08-06T17:21:00.000-07:00

It's amazing what a good push up bra does for you. For one it makes you lose 10 pounds instantly. For another thing, you get awesome cleavage. And another thing, you get bounce. Or at least you do when your girls are as big as mine. But you know what? I like it. Call me shameless but I enjoy that bouncy feeling. It's even more tantalizing when it's a strapless push up bra; mmm, feels like someones groping you the whole day (don't I wish).

Underwear and bras are my fetish. But I have fewer bras than I want since finding them in my size is hard. Underwear though I have enough to last me a life time. And they're all adorable, bikini cut with smart ass (no pun intended) phrases on them. QT4Eva is my favorite even though I had chat lingo.

What are some of your style favorites?

I really want a corset. I think they're utterly sexy and dramatic. I guess I am shameless. But I like it.

Besides, I got great boobs. Why not show em off? :)

Supersize- I mean Simpsonize me.

2007-08-05T20:42:00.001-07:00

Ta-da. Ain't I perdy? Damn straight I am!

A-la:

www.simpsonize.me

Immaculate Degeneration (Overheard)

2007-07-31T16:33:00.000-07:00

Banker: Yeah, he's losin' his eyesight...He can barely see now. He's got that immaculate degeneration or whatever it's called. But he still builds things with power tools. It's pretty amazing...but kinda scary.

*sigh* What is the world coming to when we can't even degenerate with some semblance of chaos and disorder? People are now going through immaculate degeneration? This is just another problem with society; people who are degenerating are still obsessed with looking good!

And apparently power tools.

A conspiracy by both Cover Girl and Craftsman!

Update

2007-07-31T10:51:00.000-07:00

Life still sucks. I'm trying to get into school to upgrade my high school courses so I can go to another school to become a cardiology technologist; they make about $10/hr more than I do now and frankly, I need the money. Mom always said when I was growing up "You gotta get a $20/hr job to live nice" - yea well I have that job and I'm just barely making it. So gotta get more schooling. Have given up on the med school idea after realizing - hey I'm stupid; ain't no way I'd even make pre-med.

Found out the final estimate on my car yesterday. There's $386 worth of damage done. The back bumper has to be replaced even though it's just scratched on the side. Now I have to find a good body shop with decent courtesy cars. But my car is awesome on gas; I went a week and a half without having to fill up and I drove a lot - like - a lot a lot. Not just back and forth to work, down to the gym which is an hour's drive, grocery store, etc. Lots of driving. Great on gas.

Thought I was going to finally get some help at night when I heard one of the casuals decided to take Marlene's departed position but then she backed out. It would have been nice since she's around my age and I'm starting to feel the effects of social isolation and having no friends. But I guess it's not meant to be. I'll keep fighting the ever growing list of urgents and fielding the phone calls from angry, bitchy doctors who can't understand why their report they just dictated 10 min ago isn't done yet and don't we have an hour's turn around time? Yea, with 400+ doctors and 1 transcriptionist at night, yes there is a 1 hour turn around time.... /sarcasm.

And I'm really starting to get sick of my job. I don't know how some of the girls have been doing it for 20 years. There's no stimulation. Mind you there's plenty of frustration when you can't figure out a word or 50, but it's like "oh what am I going to get today? Oh look, psych consult, psych consult, psych consult, colonoscopy x 100, dialysis consult,' rinse and repeat. The worst thing is, the urgent psych consults aren't even interesting. Most of them are "I've been smoking marijuana for x number of years and now I'm depressed but I'm not willing to go off the chronic to see if it's the cause of my low moods; just give me some of them good pills you gave to my baby's daddy's sister's husband's brother's daughter and no I dont want drug and alcohol counselling, I aint got no problem.." Some people are their own worst enemy.

Some days I wonder where I would be if I had followed my other career paths.

Would I be working at Pixar or Square Enix? Would I still be in school for computer graphics and animation? Maybe I'd be attending the prestigious, elitist Art academy down in that trendy section of the city.

Would I be over in Egypt being the one to discover Hatshepsut's remains? Or leaning against Kufu's great pyramid while eating lunch? Or maybe I'd still be going to that Egyptology school in Rhode Island that's super exclusive.

Chances are no. If I had followed any of those dreams, I'd still be living at home. So I guess this isn't so bad. I just wish I could find supplementary work to give me some extra cash.

Anyone know a good Doc in need of a great transcriptionist? *sigh*

Are You Dumb?

2007-07-23T17:16:00.001-07:00

Comments

2007-07-17T18:56:00.001-07:00

Are now being moderated.
Thank you.

Why I Don't Have A Boyfriend

2007-07-12T20:09:00.001-07:00

You Don't Have a Boyfriend Because You are Too Shy

When a guy gets to know you, he finds a great catch
Problem is... you're too shy for most guys to get to know.
From meeting someone to dating, you usually have your guard up.
And while you're just holding back, it makes you seem like you've got something to hide.

Why Don't You Have a Boyfriend?

I hate how scary-true these things can be.

Slanguage

2007-07-12T18:13:00.001-07:00

Your Slanguage Profile

Canadian Slang: 100%

Aussie Slang: 50%

British Slang: 50%

Prison Slang: 50%

New England Slang: 25%

Southern Slang: 25%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

Potty talk

2007-07-12T18:00:00.000-07:00

What Your Bathroom Habits Say About You

You are very independent and self-centered. You don't solve other people's problems - and you don't expect them to solve yours.

Your idea of fashion is jeans and a t-shirt. Clean, if you're lucky.

You are a very outgoing person. You are true to yourself, and you never hold back.

In relationships, you tend to take care of your needs first. You can only be with someone who's as independent as you are.

What Do Your Bathroom Habits Say About You?

Bingo.

Smart American

2007-07-12T17:55:00.001-07:00

You Are a Smart American

You know a lot about US history, and you're opinions are probably well informed.
Congratulations on bucking stereotypes. Now go show some foreigners how smart Americans can be.

Are You a Dumb American?

What does this mean if I'm Canadian?

Dosha

2007-07-12T17:40:00.001-07:00

Your Dosha is Vata

Creative and restless, you take in all of life's pleasures (maybe a little too much!).
You're quick witted and very talkative, but you also tend to have a spotty memory.
You tend to get very into ideas, people, and lifestyles... but only for a short time.
It's difficult to hold your attention, and you sometimes feel with what life has to offer.

With friends: You are very uncomfortable in new situations or with new people

In love: You fall in and out of love very easily

To achieve more balance: Live in a warm climate and spend some quiet time in nature

What's Your Dosha?

Tarot

2007-07-12T17:34:00.001-07:00

You Are The Star

You represent the ultimate in truth and purity.

Insightful and illuminating, you provide guidance for others.

You also demonstrate unselfish, unconditional love.

You posses many spiritual gifts, including the ability to heal.

Your fortune:

Your future is looking brighter by the day.

The near future will be a time of both hope and healing.

Luck is about to come your way, perhaps the best luck you have ever seen.

Life is about to get a lot easier and much better!

What Tarot Card Are You?

Spoiled? Nope, not me.

2007-07-12T17:30:00.001-07:00

You Are 8% Spoiled

You are definitely not spoiled. You've worked hard for what you have.
Down to earth and grounded, you don't need a lot to make you happy.

Are You Spoiled?

I'd love to see my sister's results for this quiz.

Lady?

2007-07-12T17:28:00.000-07:00

You Are 52% Lady

You're part lady, part modern woman.
Etiquette is important to you, but you brush aside rules that are outdated or silly.

Are You A Lady?

I know people who would disagree with this; both more and less of a lady.

Study

2007-07-12T17:21:00.001-07:00

Your Learning Style: Personal and Passionate

You are very flexible and curious about the world. Human understanding is very important to you.

You Should Study:

Anthropology
Architecture
Art
Art history
Art therapy
Classics
Counseling
Foreign Languages and Literature
International Studies
Linguistics
Literature
Psychology
Sociology
Teaching

What Should You Study?

Fake?

2007-07-12T17:20:00.001-07:00

You Are 13% Fake

Fake doesn't even come close to describing you.
You're totally natural, and proud of who you really are!

Are You A Fake Girl?

10 Politically Incorrect Truths About Human Nature

2007-07-12T09:53:00.000-07:00

A great article from Psychology Today lists out 10 politically incorrect truths about human nature including why men like blond bombshells, why a president would have an affair with a younger woman and why most suicide bombers are Muslim. Here's an excerpt:

The other key ingredient is the promise of 72 virgins waiting in heaven for any martyr in Islam. The prospect of exclusive access to virgins may not be so appealing to anyone who has even one mate on earth, which strict monogamy virtually guarantees. However, the prospect is quite appealing to anyone who faces the bleak reality on earth of being a complete reproductive loser.

Check it out here: Psychology Today.

Lysol

2007-07-11T18:11:00.001-07:00

Um, no thanks. I think I'll just stick to the indifference. Besides, that's what B.O.B's are for ;)

Rated

2007-06-26T17:42:00.000-07:00

Apparently my blog is R-rated. The reason was the 7 times I've apparently said "suicide", the 3 times I've said "pussy", the two times I've said "kill", and the one time I've said "shit".

I'm trying hard to remember when I've said suicide and pussy. I probably said kill when referring to lopping off the head of a coworker off in LaLa Land somewhere and I use shit prolifically in every day language; except at work.

Is there something more extreme than R-rated? I mean, without getting into the XXX rating?

Bad news

2007-06-19T20:11:00.000-07:00

Seems to follow me around this week.

Dad took Zoe to the vet today. They drew blood and said that even if the blood comes back clean, she probably has epilepsy. That epi-dogs always have clean blood work.

Then I get a message at work from my sister. Zoe had another seizure this afternoon. She was on her back, her mouth open, shaking violently.

I'm sick with worry. I'm crying. I can't even concentrate on my work. I know epilepsy isn't as bad as cancer or anything but, I dont want my baby girl to have epilepsy. She's my dog. She's my special friend. I love her more than I thought possible. Im so scared for her. I just wish I had her right now so I could hold her and cuddle her.

I dont know what we're going to do.
Mom and dad are discussing medication, but it's pricy. I just bought a car, I dont know how much I can chip in for it. But if her seizures are going to get more frequent.. she needs to have it.

I just don't know.

Start

2007-06-18T17:10:00.000-07:00

So even though Monday is technically my Tuesday, it still wasn't a great start to the week. Friday wasn't all that great either. I found out a childhood friend of mine who, granted was 4 years my junior, was killed last week after he ran his truck into a building; he was drunk at the time.

Today my mother found out she has 'pre-diabetes'.

Tomorrow my poor little Zoe-puppy has to go to the Vet because we think she might have epilepsy. She had a "fit" on the bathroom floor this morning apparently; flopped around like a fish. Dad said she couldn't even stand up afterwards and was limp. He carried her to mom's bed and wouldn't leave her for over an hour. He just sat and petted her and held her. I really hope it's nothing serious. I don't want to lose her. She's my baby. I broke down and sobbed on the way to work today thinking about it. Funny how even though my mother was diagnosed with what could end up as full blown diabetes, I wasn't as distraught as I was over the possibility of having to lose my dog. I can't think of life without her and even as I type this I'm starting to sniffle.

I'm trying to help my mother as much as I can. What do you say to someone who has been diagnosed with this? Sure, it's not as bad as say - cancer. But it's not good news either. The thought of losing her too, although not likely to happen to pre-diabetes, makes me cry. My mom is my best friend and I'd do anything to make her happy and healthy. We have such a strong bond, I never thought it would happen when I was growing up and she was hard on me. Now I realize she was the way she was because of what she was going through with depression and menopause among other issues. I know she loves me.

One good thing has come from today though. I was going to try and keep the secret until Saturday but I don't think I can.

I bought a car. Well, my parents cosigned for it so technically it's their car but I'm making the payments and insurance payments. I bought a 2004 Toyota Matrix XR. Fully loaded; the only thing missing is a sun roof and leather interior. It's only god 30,000 km on it and it still has 70% of the warranty on it. I pick it up on Saturday. I have to go out early tomorrow or Wednesday and get to the Autoplan place on the bus route to get insurance papers for it. Not sure if I'll be able to afford that until Friday though when I get paid. I also have rent coming out because I don't get paid until July 6 and I wont be home that day. So probably not the best time to go and buy a car but, a deal like the one I got for this one isn't going to come around again.

I'll have a few pictures posted on Saturday or Sunday of it. My parents are taking it back to their house with them 4 hours away though. That way I won't be tempted to drive it when I'm not allowed to (I only have my Learner's license so I can't drive by myself yet) and so that when I do pass my road test on July 6, I can drive my car home. God I hope I pass. Just need to remember to sloow down, I always drive about 5 to 10 over the speed limit which isn't good. :( Though I haven't gotten a speeding ticket yet and I've been driving for 4+ years.

I'm just praying now that everything goes okay with Zoe, and with mom. She has to go meet with the diabetes clinic sometime soon, so I hope they'll treat her well.

*sigh*

Attention All Doctors

2007-06-12T12:02:00.000-07:00

Attention all doctors:
Adherence to these guidelines will assure the highest quality transcribed reports in the shortest amount of time.

1. At the beginning of the dictation, take as deep a breath as you possibly can. Now, try to dictate the entire report before you have to inhale again.

2. When dictating a particularly difficult word or phrase, please turn your head and speak directly into your armpit.

3. We charge per character, including periods. An effective way to cut your costs is to dictate your entire report as one sentence.

4. It is not necessary to repeat the same sentence multiple times in the same dictation.

5. If you have to sneeze or cough suddenly, please remove your head from your armpit and sneeze or cough directly into the microphone.

6. If you must eat while you dictate, please stay away from foods such as marshmallows, bananas, and pudding. Apples, pretzels, and celery are much better choices.

7. Please don't stop dictating when you yawn. It throws off our rhythm.

8. If the patient's name is Alan Ratzlaffenhasenphepherzinsky, please have the courtesy to spell "Alan" - there are several possible spellings. For the last name, simply state "the usual spelling".

9. It is not necessary to repeat the same sentence multiple times in the same dictation.

10. Please note: The phrase "well-developed, well-nourished white female" is only three syllables.

11. Cardiologists: It is not necessary to dictate at the rate of your patient's atrial fibrillation.

12. Do not stop dictating in the event of minor background noise such as an office party, the janitor's vacuum cleaner, a screaming infant, etc. Again, it throws off our rhythm.

13. Be sure to place the emPHASsis on the CORrect syLLABLE, especially if EnGLISH is your SECond lanGUAGE.

14. It is not necessary to repeat the same sentence multiple times in the same dictation.

15. Talk as fast as you possibly can. Fair's fair. After all, we type as fast as we possibly can.

16. Please speak as quietly as you can...We want to be able to hear what's going on around you.

17. If you need to pause for 5 or 10 minutes between words or phrases, pounding the receiver on the desk, or repeatedly saying "still dictating...still dictating..." or "check...check...check...check..." reminds us that, indeed, you are still dictating.

18. Just because you need to use the restroom is no reason to stop dictating. Time is money!

19. Don't dictate so loudly that you disrupt your fellow physicians' football game in the doctors' lounge. In fact, you really should whisper all of your dictation, especially those lab values, since the information is confidential.

20. Similarly, if you are going to watch TV while dictating at home, please watch a war movie with lots of bombing and be sure to have the volume high enough so everybody in your living room can hear above your talking.

21. If you need to correct yourself-sorry, correct an error, please do not rewind the tape-sorry, do not back up and record over the error-sorry, wait, the mistake-just continue with the sentence-wait-go back-with the paragraph and fix the error-err, the mistake.

22. Please go back and delete the last guideline.

23. When dictating on your cell phone from your car, be sure to go through as many tunnels as possible. This will ensure confidentiality of the information.

24. You (y-o-u) do not need (n-e-e-d) to spell (s-p-e-l-l) obvious words (w-o-r-d-s) for us (u-s). It is our job (j-o-b) to know (k-n-o-w) how to (t-o) spell words that (t-h-a-t) we learned (l-e-a-r-n-e-d) in third (t-h-i-r-d) grade (g-r-a-d-e).

25. One last thing: It is not necessary to repeat the same sentence multiple times in the same dictation.

(And they think machines can do our jobs?)

Auto Insurance

2007-06-05T17:31:00.001-07:00

Scalpel, this one's for you!

Nanny and the Dandelion

2007-05-30T18:43:00.000-07:00

Around Christmas time some of you may remember me venting my frustrations at our Health care system, my grandmother (Nanny), and her horrible cough that has been lasting upwards of 15 years. Well, I have an update.

After hearing that upon arriving back in Ontario after Christmas she rarely left the house due to being so sick, it has come to my attention (and I confirmed it by calling her on my lunch break), that the cure to her problem all along has been in your garden variety, pesky, hard-to-kill dandelion. Yes, a dandelion. Or rather several and in syrup form.

It seems that she was venting and ranting to her neighbor about her problems who gave her a recipe for dandelion syrup. She made it, took 1 teaspoon before bed and 1 teaspoon upon waking up. Either right after this or sometime in the day she started to cough. It was the mother of all coughs. Out came literally cups of green/yellow sputum, phlegm, gunk, goop; whatever you want to call it, it came up.

That was a few weeks ago, perhaps mid April/late April. As of now, she talked to me on the phone for over 20 minutes without having to pass it to my grandfather (Poppy) because she'd gone into a coughing fit. She can laugh. She's leaving home without her water bottle which was, for several years, her lifeline. She says she has a cough every now and then but not to the severity it was before.

For the most part, she's cured of this puzzling disorder that stumped MANY doctors and specialists for almost 2 decades.

All because of a dandelion.

And an old wives recipe.

On another, less optimistic note I found out that the cousin of a distant relative or friend of the family (no idea which) by the name of Ed is going in for quadruple bypass surgery on Tuesday. My thoughts are with him and his/my family.

As for my grandmother, I am so happy for her. I hope this 'medicine' continues to work for her and that she never has to go through any more years of what she did. I don't want to lose her just yet, not when I'm only beginning to appreciate the woman who is an inspiration to me in several confusing, ponderous ways.

Lonely No More...

2007-05-27T20:40:00.000-07:00

I wish.

I'm so lonely.

Why is meeting people so hard?

Oh, right - working night shift, being shy, being the 'oddball'..

I just wish I had friends.

Weird Al Yankovic - Like A Surgeon

2007-05-17T18:54:00.001-07:00

Wee! Madonna spoof!

RIP Jerry Falwell

2007-05-16T01:12:00.000-07:00

Jerry Falwell: August 11, 1933 – May 15, 2007
I'll keep my opinions of this man quiet out of respect for his family. I pray they get over this tough time with the help of their friends, fans and loved ones.

iPodnation

2007-05-15T19:27:00.000-07:00

Well, Dr. A posted his iPod playlist and I found out that I have nearly all of the songs that he has on my own iPod. How disturbing/freaky/cool is that? But I also have ones he doesn't have, or didn't allude to for whatever reason.

His post was in response to another blogger's post regarding the anxiety some people fear when sharing what's on their playlist. I can attest to this: Just 2 weeks ago when my whole family (mom, sister AND dad) were in visiting, I was driving and hooked my iPod into the car stereo using the $100 connector I bought from Future Shop (it will mean I don't have to pay more to get it in the Yaris when I get the car). The whole day they were making fun of my music saying it was too slow, too geeky, too lame. My mother likes 70s and stuff like that; Eagles, Beatles, Cat Stevens etc. My sister likes Japanese music from anime's in Japanese which she can't understand, she also likes really odd (I'm resisting the urge to say "stupid") non musical things like plays performed by "emo" 16 year old boys, or other things like that. My dad likes country and western music. That's it. If it's not a cry-in-my-beer-cuz-my-woman-left-me-and-my-dog-got-hit-by-my-best-buddies-truck then he won't listen to it. Garth Brooks, Tim McGraw, Faith Hill, Alan Jackson etc. etc. ad naseum. Needless to say, we never listened to a lot of music growing up due to the fact that mom refuses to tolerate dad's depressing, honky-tonk hillbilly tracks and dad can't stand 70s rock'n roll (too assanine, he says; no story to it).

Back on the subject of iPodophilia, I totally get it and have it. I've been called out before on having a horrible taste in music so I'm usually leery about admitting what I do listen to. Now however, I'm revealing myself. Dear readers, I'm baring it all!

Here is a hint at what's on my iPod:

Amazed - Lonestar

Beautiful - Christina Aguilera (I'd like to note there's a certain doctor here who dictates while listening to this song - and the doctor is a male)
Before he cheats - Carrie Underwood
Strawberry Wine - Deanna Carter
Don't Cha - Pussycat Dolls
Flathead - The Fratellis
I don't need a man - Pussycat Dolls
In the End - Linkin Park
Hailey's Song - Eminem
Lullaby - Pan's Labyrinth
Lonely No More - Rob Thomas
This Love - Maroon5
She will be loved - Maroon5
Kryptonite - 3 Doors Down
White Flag - Dido
Makes Me Wonder - Maroon5
Hells Bells - ACDC
In The Air Tonight - Phil Collins
Vertigo -U2
Desire - U2
Pressure - Billy Joel
Stan - Eminem
Lose yourself - Eminem
Mockingbird - Eminem
Torn - Natalie Imbruglia
Fireworks - Hamasaki Ayumi
Yellow Submarine - The Beatles
Right Now - Van Halen
Accidentally in Love - Counting Crows
Baby Love Child - Pizzicato Five

I have much more on my notebook at home. If I don't have my PSP with me on the commute to and from work (usually playing Worms), then I'm plugged into my iPod. Helps me forget about the creepy dude on the bus leering at me while rubbing himself.

Computers

2007-05-09T16:20:00.000-07:00

I hate computers. No, let me rephrase that: I hate when computers don't listen to me. I especially hate when for the past 3 days, Meditech has been kicking me out of reports no less than 50 times. Now I can't even get into Meditech as it merely says the session has timed out then closes the program again. Lucky me. Yesterday I was so fed up at 9:45 I was ready to just leave. I had moved to three different computers with no luck on it clearing up. Apparently, the whole office has been suffering with this but I seem to be the one getting the real brunt of it. The other girls crash once or twice in a shift, and so far I've crashed twice in under an hour and now can't even get back in.

And it's not like there's anything else for me to do. Even if I wanted to do some copy/pasting from the outsourced files, I can't because I need Meditech to enter the reports into. So I get to sit here, wasting time, blogging about how utterly pissed off with the computer I am. I suppose there are worse things, like the computer not working at all! Oh god, I hope I didn't just jinx myself.

You know what's funny though? My coworker retired on Friday and it was the same coworker who has always had problems with Meditech crashing on her. I wonder if her leaving has transferred this "curse" to me. And if so, why me and not the other coworker who's been here longer? Of course, calling the SD (Service Desk) does little good because when I ask if something's wrong with the server, the nimrod on the end of the phone goes "Nope, that's just typical Meditech". Well no it aint bucko! It never crashes this often in one shift. But anyways, I'm ranting.

I just want to take a .22 and blow holes in the damn computer but, aside from Meditech not working, the rest of the computer is and I can't justify killing something that is at no fault.

Or can I?

Attractiveness

2007-05-08T17:28:00.000-07:00

Since when did guys like this:

become attractive? When was it judged that in order for a guy to be attractive, one must wear heavy eyeliner make up, dress somewhere between "punk" and "Elvis impersonations" and hang around with the guys that were always snorting and giggling in the science lab about the atomic weight of fart gas?

When did men like this:

stop being attractive?

How come everyone now-a-days desires these prissy little metrosexual, "I love kitty kats" type of guys. Or, alternatively, why do many desire the "I'm so emotionally drained and like my world is a black abyss where like I'm so totally going to die and like no one gives a damn. I think I'll go slash my wrists", eye make up wearing, girl jean sporting, whiny lyric producing boys?

What ever happened to desiring men who were strong, knew what they wanted, knew how to provide for and protect their families? What happened to the NORMAL guys? Who just want to live life NORMALLY? Without being so fcking emo?

I want a real man.

A man with muscles.

A man that can fix cars while drinking a beer.

That doesn't mind killing spiders and won't squeal in disgust if he sees a mouse.

Fuck metrosexuals.

I want a man.

I want a man so that I can feel more like a woman. I don't need to be worried about if my boyfriend can wear my jeans and look better in them than I do. What kind of fucked up universe are these people living in?!

Give me an outdoorsy, sportsy, lets-go-cut-down-our-own-christmas-tree, type guy over these princess boys any day.

Can you tell I have men on the brain lately?

He's Just Not That Into You

2007-05-07T16:34:00.000-07:00

Is it just me or do some men just plain suck? Was that dream I had that night true? Do I give myself away too easily? Am I easy? I mean sure, I tend to act on impulse more often than not around men, especially men that are good looking, dominant, powerful and reek of masculinity. But I'm not stupid about it; am I?

I suppose I could give a hundred-million explanations on the reasons why he hasn't called or e-mailed me in 2 weeks. His 5 jobs, all part-time, keep him busy. Maybe he lost his internet connection. But that one doesn't fly since I see him on MSN every time I log in. So then why won't he talk to me?

He's just not that into me, I guess. All women eventually meet a guy whom they really connect with, only to realize that it was a one-way connection. Those feelings weren't reciprocated and you're left feeling like a dolt. You give excuses on why it was like that, normally all blaming the guy: "He doesn't like me b/c I laugh funny", "He's not calling because he's a jerk", on and on it goes, when all along there's no scapegoat. There's just the simple excuse of "he's not that into me".

Hercules just aint that into me.
Plain and simple.
He's not the first one and he won't be the last either.

Sure, my excuses are:
I'm fat.
I've got crooked teeth.
I dont have a car.
I don't like cats.
I hate cooking.
My laugh is sometimes annoying, even to me.
And I wouldn't 'fully' put out.

Of course, the last one is obvious. I've been dumped for the same reason lots of times so I'm used to it if he would just come out and say it. It's not going to hurt my feelings any. He's right, I won't put out. I'd rather not risk getting pregnant, despite barrier methods. I'm not stupid. The chance is slim but with my luck in life, I'd come up with the short straw.

Men do suck though.
They tell you how much they like you, how they really connected with you, how they feel as if they've known you forever and then when your pants don't hit the floor it's like trying to get a straight answer out of a tight-wad politician. All of a sudden, the same guy who was texting, IM'ing, e-mailing and calling you for a week has dropped off of the planet with no explanation and, of course, no forwarding address to Hell.

And yet, we women keep going back to them! We get our hearts ripped out and stomped on, pulverized and given back in pieces time and time again but we keep running to the next one. As if he's any different. Given the chance, all men do it. They're all prone to being disgusting, rude, ignorant, mean, sneaky little bastards. Yet I love them. Desperately.

Maybe I should just say fuck it, put my emotions in a locked safe and start living like the girls from Sex and the City. I mean, there really isn't any pride put on being a 22 year old 'virgin' these days anyways, is there? It's certainly not helping my love life. Besides, if I get knocked up there's always welfare, isn't there? /sarcasm.

When did we lose our old world values?
When did we start to place more value and praise on bed hoppers than those that, if not saving themselves for marriage (which I'm not), do not cheapen themselves by fornicating with multiple partners?

Is this normal?
Am I abnormal for having no desire to play Hide the Weenie with every guy I meet? (although, honestly I am tempted a lot of the time!). Am I abnormal for wanting to at least date the guy for a while before I go down that road? Is it wrong that I don't want to go "all the way" on a first/second/third date? Should I just abandon these sentiments and hop into bed with the next guy I go out with? Is that my problem? Am I a prude!?

And if I am a prude, why do I feel bad about being a prude?

I just want to meet a nice guy who has a good/decent job, who's loyal, has a sense of honor and duty, appreciates me for the type of person I am, doesn't mind flopping on the couch with a beer screaming at the hockey game while reaching over to periodically grab my boob, will follow me patiently to the mall and wait outside the store with my purse while I try on shoes and then console me when my gigantic feet won't fit in any, restrain me when I want to kill the perky lil bitch behind the counter who's giggling at my monster feet, and then feed me chocolate on the way home all the while telling me that even though my feet are big, it means I've got a more solid foundation than that perky lil bitch with the big boobs, small waist, blonde hair and legs that go on forevern, has. Is that so much to ask for? Is it too much to expect that my man will bitch and groan about cutting the grass but eventually do it if I promise to bake cookies? Is it too much to hope for that when my parents come over, he'll be decent enough to shake my father's hand and not curse like a sailor; actually, finding a guy that doesn't curse every second word would be a good start!

Where are these men that like "fat" girls? Ive yet to meet one genuine one who likes us bigger girls, well except for Hercules but we're not talking about him!

Men.

I hate you.

I love you.

I think I'm going to switch teams. :S

And no you can't watch.

Oops

2007-04-27T00:59:00.000-07:00

A twenty-four minute report. Coded as a consult (#10). Typed it all until realizing it's a discharge summary. Twenty-four minutes = me typing for about 50 minutes. So, I made a block of it and deleted it while replacing it on the buffer (apparently like copying it). I then backed out of the report without saving it (what was the point in saving it since it was the wrong report type and management gets freaky when you leave too many "Canceled reports"), opened a new report this time under the NS (Narrative Summary) code, entered the doctors to get copies, went into the main body and hit "Insert" and....

Nothing.

O.o

Nothing at all. Tried alt+V, which is the program's "paste" button. Again, nothing.

That's right. The program had a glitch and the insert function wasn't working. And yes, that's right. I have to retype the twenty-four minute report. All. Over. Again.

I only regret that the poor new casual typist had to hear the profanity coming from me. I could have shot the computer right there.

I hate computers.

Me meme

2007-04-03T20:39:00.000-07:00

I am thinking about: Brazil!

I said: Thank you.

I want to: Pay off all my debt owed to my parents, soon!

I wish: That I were back in Brazil.

I regret: Not making more of an effort in school.

I hear: The sound of my coworkers typing.

I am: tired.

I dance: In the shower; probably not the safest place to do so.

I sing: When I'm alone.

I cry: When someone hurts my feelings, or when I happen to feel sad.

I am not: Going home early, even though I desperately want to.

I write: Rarely.

I confuse: My parents a lot.

I need to: Get to work.

I tag: Scalpel, Dr. Anonymous, Doc Shazam.

Back

2007-04-02T18:42:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone!
Back from Brazil.
It was amazing! Will post more and with pictures once my luggage is delivered (it got lost), and I have my Wacom tablet mouse again :)

The trip home was HELL!
And it's snowing today - I wanna go back!

O'Hare

2007-03-17T17:15:00.000-07:00

Made it to O'Hare International without a hitch. Am here for another 45min - 1 hr before we get on the plane. Plane doesn't leave here until 9 pm. We get into Sao Paolo at 10 am local time, wait for 2 hours and then go to Rio which will take an hour. My ass hurts from sitting on the plane and now on the terminal floor and I had to pay $7 American for internet access all day. By the way - American money is so boring! And y'all don't have Interac down here! What's with that?!I rarely EVER carry cash on me, just my debit card but everyone here has cash! Weird.

Anyways - almost to Brazil, yay!

BRAZIL!!

2007-03-17T00:38:00.000-07:00

Well, it's only 12:38 a.m. Saturday morning and I can't sleep. My little apartment is CRAMMED full. Dad's sleeping in my bedroom with Maggie the black lab in there. Mom and sister are out here with Zoe the papillon out here and I will hopefully get some shut eye on the love seat. Doubtful. I just packed. I've never really gone anywhere aside from my grandparents in Ontario. I've never flown outside of the country and certainly not to a different hemisphere!

I hope I remembered everything.
I guess if I didn't, it's no big deal. :S

Should go make a list of what I need.

Anyways - if I don't post for the next 2 weeks - the reason is I'm gone to soak up the sun :)

Ciao!

Still in pain

2007-03-16T10:09:00.000-07:00

Yep - still in pain. Fly out for Brazil tomorrow and my cheek/jaw still hurts like hell. It was clearing up yesterday, went through the whole shift with no pain. But now it's back. The cheek itself is also warmer than the other cheek, and of course swollen.

Looks like I'm going back to the doctor later today. :(

Day 4 (or 5)

2007-03-14T15:06:00.000-07:00

So, I took Scalpel's advice and went and bought some extra strength Orajel. My cheek is numb. My tongue is numb. My lips are numb. (Can you tell I'm not very well coordinated?). I still have pain, but it's much less severe. Upon shoving my finger back in my mouth and feeling around I think what's actually going on is that there's this tooth, wayyy at the back, by the joint, that's poking out a litttle bit. I think it's grabbing my cheek every time I move my mouth. But that wouldn't explain why there's no actual pain on my cheek but more so underneath the skin and whatever the hell is connecting my jaw to my skull. Tendon, muscle, I don't know and frankly ( my dear ) I don't give a #$&^ what it is, I just want it to stop hurting!

I'll bet $10 that I'll be sitting back in the doctor's office on Friday while he probes and pokes around again. Lucky, lucky me.

Well, at least I got Orajel.

He Got Moves

2007-03-13T15:46:00.000-07:00

So today I dragged myself into the walk-in clinic across from the hospital all because of a pain my jaw that's been lasting since last Saturday (that's 3 days). I thought I had slept wrong on Saturday morning and just kinked my jaw, though I've never heard of that. Sunday came around and it was worse. Monday came and it was a smidge better and today it still hurts to smile, talk much, eat, drink from a straw or cup, and to spit (the toothpaste out!). It feels like I have bitten my cheek although I can't remember doing so, and that's sort of the thing you usually do remember; the pain, the embarassment of biting your cheek, the anger that your teeth betrayed you and decided to taste your own flesh etc. I've also noticed, when pushing on it, a spot on the bottom of my jaw being tender and sore and so, after debating it, I decided to haul myself into the doctor's office.

I don't usually like going to see a doctor unless I'm really sick. I don't feel as though a sore jaw is "really sick" and I usually feel guilty about wasting the doctor's time. But, on the other hand, I felt that I waited a sufficient amount of time for it to clear up on its own and that now, with my trip looming in the very near future (4 days btw), I figured that I better get it checked in case it's something moderately serious.

Unfortunately, I didn't leave the house until my usual time so I was about 10 min late for work. I got to the doctor's office about 10 minutes before my start of shift and only waited for about 3 minutes before the doctor came in. After hopping up on the onion skin papered table, I was then subjected to some serious fondling. He was massaging my face and if I wasn't so uncomfortable it might have been relaxing. Then he brought out the popsicle stick (yes I know it's a tongue depressor - it's just so much more fun to say popsicle stick). This is when he truly shone. This doctor had moves, I tell you! I've never had anyone inspect my mouth with such interest for so long before. I must have sat there with my mouth wide open for a good 5 minutes while he was swaying about, shifting position, wiggling, snapping his head back and forth, working the popsicle stick and light simultaneously in what could only be described as a very strange, oddly satisfying interprative dance which I call "Seeking Doctor". After that he started poking my tongue, shining the light down my throat, the roof of my mouth and on both cheeks. I could tell he was getting frustrated so I finally showed him by shoving my finger into my mouth and poking the spot that hurts. Hallejuliah! (spelling wrong I know!), the next time he jabbed the popsicle stick in there I jumped. He found it! He was happy too (probably because up until then he might have been thinking I was faking it). He poked around some more then hit the spot again and again I jumped and moaned.

After that, he fingered my cheeks some more (on the outside) and then found the spot under my jaw that hurt too. He passed over it a few times with no effect on me, before finally it hurt again.

After all this he said that I have a "white spot" where it hurts inside my mouth, likely due to a viral infection. The soreness on my jaw underneath is probably due to a lymph node being swollen because of the infection. He then said that the problem should clear up in about 8-10 days and that the lymph node might take a few weeks to clear. I then mentioned I was going out of the country on Saturday and he said if it has not cleared by Friday, to come back and we'll see what can be done.

I should note also that this was my second time with this particular doctor. The first time was back in November when I had my runny nose which lasted for 9 months. I'm talking fully blocked and running like Niagra falls all the time. After telling him I tried three different kinds of nasal spray, he prescribed me a nasal spray. >.<

Now, if I can only follow through on what the Gyneocologist suggested and get that damn blood test for PCOS. >.<

100

2007-03-12T01:33:00.000-07:00

This is my 100th post on this blog. That's a record for me. :)

When I started this blog, I had no idea where I wanted to go with it. I knew I could not even come close to comparing with many of the blogs and so, I tried not to even compete with them. This blog is about me, my life, my thoughts. It's a journal, a diary, a best friend, a comedy club and memoirs. I've spent a lot of time on this blog, and through it I've met some pretty cool people.

I thank everyone who has viewed my blog and those who will view my blog in the future. I know it's not flashy and informative like some of the other wonderful blogs out there - but its my little corner of the blogosphere and slowly it's starting to feel like home.

*Side note: The count down isn't working properly. For some reason I don't understand how it gets 4 days left until the 17th. I keep seeing it as 5. But - at any rate. I'll let y'all know when I'm gone.

Cheers,
And happy 100th!

Dreams

2007-03-09T13:07:00.000-08:00

Over the past few nights I've been have incredibly vivid dreams. I normally do not remember my dreams except for one a few months ago that I might be turning into a short story (it was that interesting!). Thursday morning however I woke up crying.

I had been dreaming that my father, who I have a tenuous relationship with, was dying and I was trying frantically to type of his dictation so that the doctor next up could help him better. My mom was there in the office with me, screaming at me to hurry meanwhile I'm finding out what my dad has. Pulmonary embolism, bilateral subdural hematoma, MRSA, failing kidneys and liver function, congestive heart failure, and colon cancer. He was dying and instead of being with him, I was typing. Albeit I was typing about him. So I woke up crying. I love my dad - I really do. But he's hurt me so much with his words and actions over the years, and he knows it, that it's hard to be really close to him.

He is the man who told me no one will marry me because I'm fat.
He's the man who has a temper tantrum, puts his face inches from yours, screams at you, and threatens to hit you before walking away. Even though you did nothing wrong to begin with.
He's the man who is constantly complaining about being married to my mom, constantly bitching about her whenever I'm alone with him, constantly putting her down because of her weight and how unattractive it is etc.
He's the man who told me, when I was goth, that I was an embarrassment to the family.

And yet - I know he loves me.
When I was little and fell asleep on the couch, he'd carry me into my room and tuck me in. If I was already in bed, he made a point of checking on me and kissing my forehead. When my mom was pregnant, they kept a journal and I read it a few years ago. In it, he says that even if I came out as a girl, he'd teach me to play hockey because it didn't matter if I was a girl or boy. That he really wanted a daughter. He was the man going to the cops when I was too scared to go to school because of the assaults. He was the one who was threatening to confront the people who were beating on me every day.

So what does this dream mean? That I should spend more time with him because he might be gone one day? Thinking about my parents never being around makes me cry every time; I can't imagine them not being here.

I don't know. I know he loves me. I love him. But our relationship is tense. We're awkward around each other.

Last night I had another vivid dream but it wasn't the same. It involved me killing someone, fighting my way through a store.. riding down the highway on a dirt bike, spinning around while the cops were shooting at me, climbing up a tree to cross into another country, while one of my friends couldn't make it. Meanwhile I told him every time I teased him about watching Rosanne, it was because I loved him. Then after that the detectives found the young kid we had killed a few years ago while digging up the lawn and I was scared that my dad was going to throw a fit over his ruined grass. Oh and there was me getting impregnated by a mini-man's baby in between the beds at Sears.

Go figure. :/

About me: Meme

2007-03-09T01:29:00.000-08:00

Here's a new meme!

Favorites:
favorite color: Pink
favorite food: Spaghetti
favorite drink: Coca-Cola
favorite ice cream: Chocolate
favorite movie: Troy
favorite T.V. show: The Simpsons
favorite store: Best Buy

Love:
who was your first crush: Derek Dickson.
do you believe in love at first site: No.
how long was your longest relationship: 8 Months.
where was your first date at: First "real" date was this past August in a little, tiny Italian restaurant called "Romanos". I don't see the guy anymore, but I still go to the restaurant because they have THE BEST Italian food and the waiter is a total hunk!

Have you:
have you ever gone on a blind date: Yes.
have you ever been in love: Yes.
have you ever kissed someone: Yes.
have you ever lied to someone: Yes.
cheated on a test: No.

First time you:
fist fought someone: I was 15, trying to protect my best friend.
stalked someone: I've never stalked anyone.
stolen something: I was in Grade 4 and I stole $1.50 from a classmate after being encouraged by another classmate.
smoked: First time I started as a "preventative measure" was when I was 8; my mother handed me the cigarette she was smoking (she rarely smokes). When I first started smoking for real - 15.
drank: 15 - New Years Eve party at my cousin's with mostly college/university kids. I got horribly, HORRIBLY drunk. I vowed never to get drunk again and I haven't.

How many:
how many pairs of jeans do you have: Three.
how many people have you dated: Four.
how many cell phones have you had: One.
how many times a week do you normally excercise: Nil - if you don't include the half hour strenuous walking I do to and from work.

There - I officially tag:

Dr. Anonymous.
Parenting Solved.
Scalpel.
Fat Doctor.
Doc Shazam.

I unofficially tag anyone else who wants to complete the meme. Leave me a comment so I can come view your answers!

Brazil

2007-03-08T17:39:00.000-08:00

Yes, Brazil. The countdown has long since begun where I will board an airplane for Rio de Janeiro. I leave Vancouver on March 17th at 11:10 am and won't be in Rio until 11:00 a.m. the next morning. We have a few hours in Chicago at O'Hare airport and then a few hours in Sao Paolo before flying to Rio.

After that, we (my mother and I) will be rushed off to an island just south of Rio called Ilha Grande, a wildlife conservation-like island where for a week (18-24) we will be at a health resort called Koru Retreat. Once there, we will be participating in ocean kayaking, 4-6 hour long hikes through the rainforest, swimming in the heated pool (and in the ocean), getting daily shiatsu massages, yoga on the beach, and tailored Brazilian cuisine helped to "detoxify" our bodies from chemicals and so on. It's also been suggested that a week at this resort will kill your bad habits so, while I don't believe it wholeheartedly, maybe it will work with my smoking. Two weeks of not smoking (since my mother doesn't know I smoke) might be just what I need to kick it. Also, when Marlene my coworker retires in 8.2 weeks I probably won't be smoking any more since I will have no one to smoke with.

Carrying on however, after the resort is finished on 24 March, we will be going back into Rio de Janeiro and spending 6 days there. While there we will be doing a full day tour including a stop at Sugar Loaf Mountain to see the Christ statue, a seaside restaurant for lunch (lunch included), and many other sights. Another tour we are going to go on is a 4 hour tour through the rainforest in a Jeep where we'll see also sorts of water falls (including Monkey falls and some others) so I'll be able to get some really great pictures.

It's going to be an amazing trip. Next year, mom and I plan on going to Egypt or Hawaii; we haven't decided on where. You'll note that my dad and sister are excluded from these. Dad is scared of traveling (even just across the border to get gas) and my sister, while I love her to death, is too immature and prone to throwing tantrums when things don't go exactly as she wants. I am however planning on taking her to Japan (if she wants to go) when she's a bit older. Maybe a year after her high school graduation; so 2009-ish.

We'll see how it goes. At any rate - 9 days left!

Transit

2007-03-08T17:21:00.000-08:00

10 THINGS I HATE ABOUT TRANSIT

It's unreliable - The trains are supposed to show up every 4-8 minutes, but it's usually every 4-12 minutes.
It's loud - It's almost impossible to carry on a phone conversation while on SkyTrain without yelling into the phone and disturbing other people.
It's dangerous - For people who decide to throw themselves onto the electric tracks. Thus causing all of the trains to be behind schedule for upwards of 20 minutes between trains.
It stinks - It doesn't seem to matter how often they clean the cars, they always smell. It's even worse when there's a group of people who are smoking marijuana in the back car, sitting at the very back of it. There's no ventilation and thus, you come out at the next station feeling quite "good".
It's hot - In the older cars from 1985, there's no air conditioning and so when you get (on a busy day) 100 people in one car, body heat and environmental heat leaves you sweating profusely. And then you get problem #4 as well due to 100 people sweating.
It's slow - Despite going about 70 km/hr, it seems to take forever to get anywhere. A drive that would take about 40 minutes, takes you about an hour on SkyTrain.
The security sucks - Even though we have a section of the police force specifically on SkyTrain watch (guns and all), they never seem to be on the night trains or if they are, they're usually all on ONE train leaving the rest of us vulnerable.
Homeless people - Because of the homeless crisis in the Lower Mainland, it's uncommon to get on a train at night and find a homeless person hitching a ride to keep warm (especially in the winter). Due to lack of #4's circulation problems the rancid smell of urine, feces, dirt, mud and rotten food permeats through the air in the car making you try to see how long you can hold your breath and if you can make it to the next stop by not breathing. It doesn't matter if you breathe through your nose either, you just end up tasting the putrid smell.
Schedules - This is more for buses than the train which runs until about 1:30 a.m. The bus however, particularly the bus I need to get home on, stops running at 12:30. Making it impossible for me to work late since the bus outside the hospital comes at 12:18, gets to one train station at 12:25 and then you have to deal with issue #1 thus making me miss the bus across the river and having to pay $30 for a cab ride home. Too, going back to #1 - buses too can have schedule issues. One bus that I take from the train station to work is chronically late (by about 20 minutes) if driven by this one driver. Conversely, it is a few minutes early if driven by another driver which again makes scheduling a huge issue. Miss one bus because it's early and guaranteed the next one will be late.
Price - Finally, the bane of my existence. While my 2 zone pass is $95 a month, it only allows me to go from Surrey to New Westminster and Burnaby. To go into Vancouver is another zone and the odd occasion that I'd like to go to North Vancouver via Seabus is extra money even though North Vancouver is the same zone number as New Westminster and Burnaby. Also, if you don't want to buy a bus pass for a month (which I didn't for March since I'll be in Brazil for 2 weeks at the end of the month), it's more expensive to pay the cash on the bus. You can buy fare saver coupons, but they're only good until 6 p.m. after which you need to shell out another $2.25; times that by however long you need to go without the bus pass (and the fact that fare saver coupons cost $36 per 10 tickets) and you're looking at a lot of money!

Don't get me wrong. I don't mind actually taking transit but as a human it's almost impossible for me not to complain about some things. Transit has saved me a bunch of money when I most needed it (especially when I was paying that $1200/month rent when I moved down here) but the novelty of taking it has finally worn off and I am hoping to obtain a vehicle by the end of the summer (or sooner) .

Transit is great for students or low income families (which I suppose would include me in a way), but there's still many glitches in the system. Now take into account that there will no longer be any Translink company and instead, the whole system will be run by a councel of mayors from cities in the Lower Mainland, with those on direct SkyTrain routes having a more important say than those of us on the outskirts; this surely will make transit even more of a hassle to use.

Again?!

2007-03-04T20:22:00.000-08:00

Some of you may remember my post around Christmas time concerning my grandmother and her failing health. Well, for those interested here is an update:

. She had a video consultation with a doctor sometime last week who is sending her for another bronchoscopy, this time to look for any polyps that may have been missed on the previous dozen or so.

. She has not left the house, except to go to the clinic for the video consultation, since she returned home from British Columbia on January 3, 2007.

. She is coughing to the point that she now nearly passes out. Her coughing spells last anywhere from a few minutes, to almost an hour. They're so bad now that she can no longer stop them by drinking water.

. The doctors still, after surely a decade, do not know what is wrong with her. They thought it was asthma, then they thought it was GERD, then they thought it was asthma again, then they thought it was COPD, then they thought it was emphysema, then they thought it was Barretts esophagus, then they thought it was asthma again, then they thought it was a lesion in her throat, then they thought it was something wrong with her pulmonary branches. This woman has been brushed more times than Rapunzel's hair. She's been scoped more times than the piece of chocolate cake at a Weight Watcher's meeting and still no one knows what's wrong.

She's been on so many different medications they'd drop a whole group of pacaderms dead instantly. So many samples have been taken that they could probably grow her a new esophagus by now.

Alright, enough with the puns.

This is serious.

They're now looking for polyps they might have missed in the last dozen bronchoscopies? They're going to take brushings and samples to rule out anything they missed previously? What are these doctors thinking? Can they not bone up and say "we have no idea what is going on."? Can they not send her to other doctors in other provinces? What is it with these guys!?

I'm scared that by the time they do find out what's wrong, it's going to be too little too late. I'm scared that if they do find a polyp that they missed the last times, it's going to be malignant and that'll be it. Are they just wasting time, hoping she'll die before they find out what's the matter with her?

Why hasn't she had a barium swallow?
Why hasn't she had any imaging?

Who's her patient advocate - her husband? Who can't hear to save his life (and refuses to get a hearing aide because "I can hear just fine!"), who has no idea what the doctors are saying, has no memory of what she has had done, no idea what sort of questions to ask, no idea how to explain her symptoms aside from "she coughs". That's her advocate? hat's the person who should be telling the doctor her history, what she's been through, what it's like when she starts coughing?

Nine times out of ten she's coughing up a storm infront of the doctors and they just look at her. Then they poke about, make some notes, throw her another prescription of Prednisone and schedule her to undergo ANOTHER bronchoscopy. Is this another ploy to get more money from the government?

As I mentioned before, my grandparents are old school. You do not question the doctors. You do not ask questions even if you don't understand anything they've said. You do not correct them when they repeat your history wrong (one doctor speculated that it was emphysema because my grandmother smoked when infact, she's never smoked in her whole life. My grandfather has emphysema because HE smoked.) and you don't speak up about anything while you're in the office. You keep your mouth shut, you smile, you nod, you take whatever prescription they give you and you leave. In their eyes, doctors are not overworked, tired, stressed-out, humans; they're God. And you do not question God.

I don't know what I can do to help her.
I don't know what I can do to help at all! And this frustrates me. I saw how frail she was this year, I saw how much weight she's lost, I saw how much she can eat before she starts coughing so much she nearly vomits. And yet no one can pinpoint what's causing it. After all these tests. All these procedures. All the drugs. All the appointments. They're all coming up with blank expressions and muttering about that it could be this or that but let's do another one of these and then go from there.

I just want to help her. I just want to fly back there and make everything right. I want her to come out here, see the specialists out here.

I don't want to lose her but I'm starting to feel that this is just the beginning of the end. She's had skin cancer, I'm scared that this is going to be another cancer. But not one of the DOZENS of specialists she's gone to can help her. What chance do I have?

I don't want to lose her.
But I think I might be.

God, please - please if you do absolutely nothing else for me in my entire life, help her. Help her please! She's a good person, she's the nicest person you'll ever meet. A heart of gold I'm sure You know that. Please, Just help her! Intervene somehow. Do something! Please, don't take Nanny away from me. I've only just begun to really know her and see how truly astounding she is. Don't take her away. Please, Lord, help her.

Photography

2007-03-02T16:00:00.000-08:00

My attempt at photography with my dog, Zoe.

200lbs? I can top that.

2007-03-01T20:56:00.000-08:00

And you all thought the 200 lb 8-year-old was bad.
This little girl is 7-years-old and weighs 200 lbs.

Is this child abuse?
By last post it is but, truth be told, I don't know all that much about THIS child (or really, any more than what the media shed light on with the other kid); such as eating habits, parental issues etc. So - maybe it is. Maybe it isn't.

I definitely feel for this little girl though.

Fired..well, almost. Part II

2007-03-01T02:34:00.000-08:00

So as it turns out neither Patsy or Dr. Orthopod reported me. Ironically enough it was Marlene. Now, before I hear the "well that figures" from the audience, she didn't do it maliciously. She wrote an e-mail to the lead hand and explained what happened and voiced her concerns with this new rule and how it's effecting patient care. She mentioned my conversation with Dr. Orthopod and what I said so I'm assuming that the lead hand then forwarded a copy to the boss who then hauled me in.

All the same, when I reviewed what I'm sure that I said, I was falsely accused of being unprofessional but since I've only been working here 10 months, I'm not about to make waves.

I am now in the precarious position of trying to please two bosses at once. First, I need to please AA (the girl in charge of these new rules) because if I do not obey her commandments, I get raked over the coals. On the other hand, I'm to obey 400+ doctors who all believe their reports are more important than another's. Who would I rather anger?

Without a thought - AA.

I would rather be on the receiving end of any anger from her than the end of one of the doctors. Frankly, there's a few there (Dr. Ooh la la being one of them) that while nice and polite and charming as they are, I would hate to see angry. I've heard the tales. I've no desire to be involved in one of them.

Speaking of Dr. Ooh La La, while I was out having a smoke with Marlene on Tuesday he just about ran me over. I was leaning against a door that was hardly ever used and of course, he thrust it open nearly sending me into the nearby concrete wall.

I don't think I've mentioned how wonderfully colored his eyes are.............................................

Where was I? Oh yes, I spilled my hot chocolate and he apologized, offered to buy me a new one too! I said no, and then he apologized for interrupting our "fresh air". I looked at him with this deadpan expression, held up my cigarette and said "yea, some fresh air". Which made him laugh.

I feel special.

I also am happy that tomorrow (or rather today since it's almost 3 am) is Thursday which means it's my Friday.

Although I was not impressed with how Wednesday went; I've resolved that when I get back from Brazil, I'm getting my drivers' license and buying a car ASAP. I've had enough of taking the bus. The story, trust me, will be retold when I'm more awake and not cruising a sugar high caused by far too many cans of Coke.

Cheers,

ANDREAS HELGSTRAND - WEG2006 Freestyle Final

2007-03-01T01:50:00.001-08:00

Un..believable.
I always wanted to do dressage as a child but I never could get involved in it (that's the problem with living in a hick town), all the same this is.. stellar.

Obesity = Child abuse? Part II

2007-02-27T12:46:00.000-08:00

After just watching the coverage on the local news about this boy here is what he eats on average in a day:

Breakfast:
Bowl of chocolate cereal.
Toast with mayonnaise and processed meat.

Lunch:
Hamburger
French Fries
Bacon
Sausage
Whole pizza.

Dinner
Fast Food take out.

Included in his day is 4 bags of chips as well as chocolate bars, cookies and other snacks every 20 minutes.

He weighs 4 x as much as a normal child his age and has missed a lot of school due to health issues.

This is clear neglect for your child's health and welfare.
The mother says she feels "obligated" to meet his demands. No. You're the parent, NOT the maid. YOU make the decisions NOT your child. Your child would not be this heavy if YOU put your foot down and said no.

If you don't buy the junk food or give him the choice of having junk food - guess what? He won't have it as much as he is! Sure he may get it from a friend but chances are he's not going to be eating off his friends to the amount that he is now.

Put your foot down and say NO to the cookies and pop and chips!

Your children will thank you for it - maybe just not right away.

Obesity = Child abuse?

2007-02-27T11:00:00.000-08:00

Dr. Anonymous made me really think with his latest post entitled "Obesity = Child abuse?". I've decided that instead of clogging up his comments window with my exceedingly long post, I'll add it to here. :)

First of all, I disagree with Dr. A in that this *is* child abuse in my eyes. The child in this case is 8 years old, and weighs 218 pounds. When I was 8 years old, I weighed 60 lbs.

Secondly, it is indicated that the parents have repeatedly not come to appointments with nurses, nutritionists and social workers. This to me indicates that they are either not prepared to accept how unhealthy their son is, or that they just don't care. Either option is dangerous for the child.

Do I think every overweight child is being abused? No. Not in the least. But I do believe in specific circumstances, the label of "abuse" is warranted.

It is a parent's duty to make sure their children are brought up healthy and with good life skills. Showing them that it is okay to eat nothing but junk food is not a healthy life skill. You are helping inflict damage onto your child and is that not abuse? Whether this is done lovingly or not is inadmissible; the end result is the same: A child with unhealthy eating patterns and a dangerous risk of dying at an early age from issues that were completely preventable.

Should this child be removed from his parents' care? I think if they continue to not take this issue seriously, then yes. The child should be removed from their care. They are harming him with what they are feeding him and letting him do or not do (in terms of exercise). Do I think every overweight child should be removed from their parents? No. But again, some cases warrant such drastic actions.

They have not shown they are capable of properly caring for their child. If they continue to follow this pattern of behavior and not accept the help offered to them, then removal of the child would be in his best interest until such a time that his parents understand the harm they are inflicting upon him.

Again, this shouldn't be the case for every overweight child. Lord knows my parents tried everything they could with me to make me stay slim (though admittedly not always for health reasons - thanks dad), and I know several other friends with children who are overweight but not to such a severe state as this child.

I'm ashamed of the parents; these are people who are supposed to bring up their children properly and with a good foundation for getting through life. This child though may not even make it to 30 years of age; that's not a long life time and he certainly doesn't have a good foundation at the moment to build his life upon.

Sad.

Freaky Zoe!

2007-02-26T13:11:00.000-08:00

Zoe going freaky after her bath.

My baby!

2007-02-26T12:23:00.000-08:00

That's Zoe. She's a 4 year old Papillon and I have her at my place for a week or so. I also have a new Sony Handycam (ok it's my parent's) that I get for the week or so. :)

Fired..well, almost.

2007-02-23T14:14:00.000-08:00

So, as it turns out, one of the doctors complained about me. Here's the situation:

Dr. Orthopod comes into the office at 4:15 pm. He asks me if he can get a print of his report on Patient A. I check it out in the computer and see that it was printed the day before. Now, what I said to him is exactly this:

"I'm sorry, but it's already been printed. While I can physically print it, I am no long allowed to do so. Unfortunately, you will have to speak to ROI tomorrow morning, since they leave at 4 pm, you won't be able to speak to them until then. You can however, view the report on PCI. Or, you can go next door and ask Patsy if maybe she find it in the pile from the printer."

Apparently, I didn't sugar-coat it enough. Didn't smile enough. Didn't ass kiss enough. So I was hauled in by my boss this week and told I need to speak to the doctors a little nicer. Meanwhile, Marlene, the coworker with 10 weeks left to retirement had turned to the doctor and said "it's a stupid rule, they're all bitches up there in head office". How is that nicer than what I said? I told him exactly what I had been told to tell him. I said it nicely, I spoke clearly, I smiled. And I get in trouble. Learn how to speak more professionally to the doctors, I'm told.

I didn't swear. I called him Dr. Orthopod. I gave him all of the options I could. But despite this, he still went over my head to head office and my boss. Either he did or Patsy did, the girl from health records. She probably did, because she kept coming back complaining that there was 8 inches of papers to go through to get to his and there's no way she's doing it etc. etc.

Either way, I came - yet again - close to being canned.
I'm not sure how much more of this I can do. I'm almost ready to take myself into the back room, keep the lights out and pretend no one is there just to avoid this sort of stuff.

*sigh*

Angry E-mail brings down B.C. minister of mines

2007-02-07T17:27:00.000-08:00

This made me laugh today.

Like most cabinet ministers, Bill Bennett never went anywhere without his laptop and BlackBerry, the devices that let him send hundreds of instant e-mails day or night, to everyone from constituents to the premier himself.

But that easy access to e-mail spelled the minister of mines' downfall Tuesday when he lost his job after revelations that he had sent an insulting missive to a constituent he called "dumb" and possibly an "American spy."

"It was an unacceptable exchange, clearly," Premier Gordon Campbell said Tuesday after accepting Bennett's offer to resign. "I think e-mails should be answered in a way that's respectful of the opinions of the citizens that are involved.

Campbell said Bennett did a good job and showed integrity by stepping down. But the imbroglio also prompted the premier to offer advice to anyone else with a BlackBerry: "It's always better to sleep overnight over an e-mail or any letter you're angry at."

Bennett's downfall started a week ago as he sat in his hotel room at Vancouver's Bayshore hotel and found an e-mail from a constituent who ran the local gun club in Fernie, which is part of his rural constituency.

Bennett's blood boiled when Maarten Hart's missive accused him of favouring big-money game outfitters over ordinary hunters and saying the Liberal government "bows to the almighty dollar and faces east three time each day (not to Mecca, but to Wall Street.)"

Bennett started typing furiously, retorting with a blistering e-mail of his own.

He called Hart "dumb" for not knowing who his friends are, labelling him an "American spy" and saying: "Let me be very direct with you, as you were with me. It is my understanding that you are an American, so I don't give a shit what your opinion is on Canada."

Then Bennett, 56, pushed the send button. At the moment, in his hotel room, he didn't realize he had just deleted himself from the Liberal cabinet. But that conclusion didn't take long coming.

"You know the next morning, when I thought about what I had done, I probably knew then," said Bennett. "But I guess you hope against hope that maybe the guy [will] maybe cut me some slack. But he didn't. And I understand. My e-mail to him was very harsh. I told the premier [Monday] night, the first time I talked to him, I would be resigning."

A sheepish Bennett agreed with Campbell that fulminating in an e-mail was unbecoming of a minister. But he also went on to suggest that his rough-hewn beginnings in B.C.'s backcountry and his quick-fire temper may not be best suited to the easy accessibility of e-mail.

"You know, I didn't grow up in the city or anything like that. . . . I never finished high school," he said. "I was working fish camps when I was 17 years old. And I worked in them for many years. I've been in bar fights, I've been in knife fights.

"That's not my life any more but sometimes I can be a little too earthy," said Bennett, who in mid-life went on to get a law degree. "In the old days before e-mail I would have written that letter, looked at it in the morning and tossed it into the wastepaper basket . . . but I blew my cool and e-mail was too easy."

Anti-American sentiments are a guaranteed flashpoint in the Kootenays, where Bennett's riding is situated. It has been a favourite destination for Vietnam draft dodgers, many of whom became Canadians, and it will be hotly contested by the NDP and Liberals in the next election.

Hart -- who fired off an e-mail at 10:30 p.m. Sunday, Feb. 4 to complain about Bennett to the premier and New Democratic Party leader Carole James -- expressed no regrets that the minister's head had rolled.

"I don't think the sentiments expressed by Mr. Bennett about Americans are appropriate in any context, let alone directed to a landed immigrant such as myself, and certainly not for a man who is charged with representing sensitive mining and environmental negotiations with Americans," Hart said in an e-mail to The Sun.

"I believe that Mr. Bennett believes his position gives him the power to send e-mails such as he sent me, and I want him to know that this is not the case."

The NDP's James said Bennett did the right thing by resigning. But she also saw it as a sign of a larger flaw in the government's relationship with people it disagrees with.

"It's an attitude problem they need to fix," she said. "No question it's a reminder to everyone. You need to take time at the end of a long day, putting down e-mails . . . you need to think about what you're putting down."

What I really like is that he attempted, vainly, to make an excuse that because he didn't grow up in the city and instead in the backwoods of B.C, he was too "earthy" in his e-mail. Understandably, since I too grew up in the backwoods of B.C, I know how many people (especially men) converse with each other and tend to business in the very same manner he did; albeit with less-educated responses. Nonetheless, as a middle-aged man he needs to learn that he is no longer in the backwoods of B.C and instead a prominent figure within the government of said province. It would be just as inexcusable for a landed-immigrant minister from say India, to behave as he would if he were still in some back water Indian village. Does it make his response humorous? Yes. Politically correct? Can I get a 'HELL NO'?

Another thing that greatly amuses me is the anti-American sentiments spewed in his e-mail (which I will post in a moment). Over the years I have come to accept the fact that you cannot point fingers, either jokingly or otherwise, at the United States without someone becoming upset but, on the flip side, it is perfectly okay for an American to do the same to us. Canada is, for the most part, the biggest punchline of any American voiced joke/criticism. There has been speculations over the years as to if this is related to their (Americans) inability to take a joke at all, and in talking with several American friend this seems to be true. While there are some exceptions to the rule, such as Jeff Foxworthy the comedian, it seems that many Americans (notice my use of the word "many") get greatly insulted at jokes directed at their "culture". Does it still make the B.C Minister of mines e-mail appropriate? Nope. But I do think this issue is a lot deeper than simply one man letting his temper get the best of him.

Here are the actual e-mails.

From: Maarten Hart

Sent: 19 November 2006 19:52

To: Bennett.MLA, Bill

Subject: Big Game Allocations

Dear Bill:

I am writing to let you know that the proposed big game allocation process is an insult to the residents of British Columbia and insult to the rights of BC hunters. Giving Guide/Outfitters such a large piece of the pie and guaranteeing their rights is absurd. I know that your government bows to the almighty dollar and faces east three times each day (not to Mecca, but to Wall Street), but even given that bent, the fact is that the resident hunter provides 100 times the revenue that nonresidents do. Look to the south and see that guides take a distant second to residents in every state; as they should here. Please respond to the wishes of your constituency and let Minister Penner know that this is unacceptable.

Sincerely, Maarten Hart

Fernie Rod & Gun Club

President

The above is the e-mail sent to the B.C Minister of mines. Below is his response.

From: Bennett, Bill SMIN:EX

Sent: 29 January 2007 20:55

Subject: Your e-mail of November 19th

Mr. Hart,

I am in my hotel room in Vancouver tonight reviewing the wildlife allocation in preparation for a meeting I have with minister Penner and I came across your November 19th email. I have been reading through this stuff since 5 pm today and meanwhile downstairs in this hotel is the biggest mining conference in BC that I ought to be participating in. Fortunately, I am almost done with my review. Your email, mercifully, was at the very bottom of my pile of paper.

Let me be very direct with you, as you were with me.

- It is my understanding that you are an American, so I don't give a shit what your opinion is on Canada or Canadian residents.

- Our government does not "... bow to the almighty dollar and face east to Wall Street each day...", but we do recognize a fool when we come across one. How do you think you are representing the interests of your members when you insult the BC hunter's strongest advocate, yours truly. I have spent an inordinate amount of time trying to sort out this allocation file. It is complex, something that you obviously have enormous difficulty with. You don't know who your friends are, which makes you dumb.

- Don't lecture me about "listening to the wishes of my constituents". As someone who has spent the past six years working my ass off for my constituents, I am not about to take that kind of bullshit from someone who, for all I know, is up here as an American spy who is actually interested in helping the US create a park in the Flathead.

I will continue to work for hunters and anglers in the East Kootenay as I always have and you will continue to be a self-inflated, pompous, American know-it-all.

Have a nice day.

Bill Bennett

Smoking

2007-02-02T01:52:00.000-08:00

TORONTO (CP) -- Ontario residents are ready for a ban on smoking in vehicles carrying children, and it's time for the provincial government to enforce one, a representative of the Ontario Medical Association said Wednesday.

"What we're finding is that the public is heavily on side for this and is coming more heavily on side with time," said Dr. Ted Boadway, a health consultant for the OMA, which represents 25,000 doctors across the province.

"And we're also seeing some other communities in North America in particular are beginning to take this up and do something about it, and we haven't yet in Ontario."

Boadway cited figures from the Ontario Tobacco Research Unit that showed support in the province for such a ban increased from 68 per cent in 2002 to 78 per cent in 2005.

Sixty-six per cent of Ontario smokers and 81 per cent of non-smokers supported the ban in 2005, compared to 50 per cent and 73 per cent, respectively, in 2002.

The OMA issued a statement Wednesday urging the provincial government to follow in the footsteps of Bangor, Maine, which approved a new law Jan. 8 prohibiting people from smoking in vehicles transporting children. Violators face fines up to $50 US.

Ontario doctors said Wednesday they applaud the province's smoking ban that went into effect last year, but added that more must be done to increase awareness that adult tobacco use is also a child health problem.

A 2004 report by the OMA found that second-hand smoke is 23 times more toxic in a car than in a house.

"The fact is that in cars you reach some of the highest toxic levels of these poisons that you reach anywhere," Boadway said.

Even very short exposure to second-hand smoke can trigger an asthmatic attack in children, while effects on lung health have a long-term effect, Boadway said.

"Those are things you can't measure at the time, but unfortunately have catastrophic effects later."

Rolling down the windows while lighting up in your car won't help either, Boadway added.

Research has shown that levels of toxins generated by cigarette smoke won't be significantly affected by open windows unless you can generate a "tornado-like wind" in the car, he said.

"If someone wants to get in their car by themselves and poison themselves away, that's their right to do so . . . and there's not much we can do about that," Boadway said.

"But the problem is poisoning someone else, and particularly children, who are vulnerable and who can't often speak up for themselves."

Nancy Daigneault, president of tobacco industry-funded lobby group Mychoice.ca, cautioned against implementing a blanket ban.

"In terms of the grand scheme of things and the obesity problem and all the other problems that are facing our children these days, I think we have to be careful before we take a heavy-handed legislative approach to dealing with something of that nature," she said.

"If we're going to be going down this route and handing police the power to pull people over who are smoking in cars, I think we'd have to get to a point in society where we say, is this product something that we should be still being permitted to be sold? . . . Why is it still a legal product?"

"It doesn't make sense to me."

All I have to say is: About friggin' time! I hope it gets passed and I hope other provinces jump on the bandwagon. There is nothing I hate more than seeing children in a car with the windows rolled up while their parents suck on a cancer stick.

I also have this to say about Nancy Daigneault's statement: Stop passing the buck by mentioning childhood obesity. That's just plain sad.

It's every adult's right to choose to kill themselves slowly, do so in your own home away from people who CHOOSE not to partake in the same thing you do. I am all for banning smoking in bars, restaurants and all public places and I am all for banning smoking in cars carrying children. Children sometimes do not have a voice, they cannot voice their concerns or opinions sometimes and it's our job to step in when parents are placing their children at terrible danger.

But I suppose, looking at this objectively, one could ask "what's next?". On the subject of childhood obesity, will it come to a point if this legislation goes through that parents will be arrested/fined or have their children taken away because they fed them french fries once in a while or their lunch choices don't meet government standards? I suppose one could ask: When will it stop? How far will this sort of thing go?

What do you think?
Making smoking in cars carrying children illegal - good or bad?

Shopping Penguin

2007-01-19T17:59:00.001-08:00

So cute, what with his Pengu backpack! :)

Too Old

2007-01-19T16:09:00.000-08:00

Maybe I'm just having an "off" day, but I think I've come to the realization that even at 21, I'm too old to go back to school. I've missed the boat, whatever I might have been -probably won't ever happen. So.. I should just get comfortable in my dead end job, stop dreaming of something better because every teacher, every counselor that ever spoke to me were right: I will end up no where. No matter what.

-sigh-

Five Seconds

2007-01-12T23:53:00.000-08:00

Still Sick

2007-01-11T12:14:00.000-08:00

Still sick - yep. Thursday, been sick since Tuesday.
I think today is the worst day so far. My ears are plugged, nose is plugged, chest is wheezy and and I'm coughing up phlegm. I really, really, really don't want to go into work today. I went in yesterday despite being sick and stuck it out for the whole shift. But today I just don't want to go in. Unfortunately, I know I should. I have a Q&A to do today and while I personally don't care about it's results since they shaft me every time, I should make an effort. Maybe I'll just stay for that and leave.

I'm sure waiting out in the below freezing temperatures last night for 40 minutes waiting for one bus and then for another 30 minutes waiting for another and then 15 minutes walking home didn't help much either. We got dumped on with snow, 2 ft or so in my area, plus 6 inches of ice on the road. Thankfully most people along the street I walk down shovel their driveways AND the length of sidewalk in front of their house so it makes it much easier for those of us who don't drive.

And landlords are fighting again - yay! I always love listening to them yelling at each other in Punjabi. Makes my heart swell.

I think I'll go back to bed now.

Home

2007-01-09T20:12:00.000-08:00

Well, I was hacking up a lung when Dr. Ooh La La was in the office asking for a coworker to help him find an old dictation to see if it was typed and he stopped talking, looked over at me and went "You need to go home. You're sick". In between coughs I went "ya think?" then laughed. Thankfully he has a sense of humor and so he laughed as well.

I stayed until 6 pm though before saying screw it and leaving.
I'm actually starting to think its bronchitis, so if I'm still coughing and wheezing tomorrow I'm going to the doctor. I have 24.7 hours of sick time to take so theoretically I could take the rest of the week off but then I'd have no more sick time for a while.

Either way - I'm home. I'm sick.
Yay.

Cheat, Kimchi, Piss

2007-01-09T01:41:00.000-08:00

So tonight while on my break instead of going out for a smoke (yes I started again, old news), I was playing around with my Rubik's cube. Call me a masochist but I bought the damn thing and messed it up and now enjoy getting my ass royally kicked by trying to solve it. Tonight I was getting particularly frustrated with the thing and so began to carefully peel away all of the little colorful stickers and place them on the desk. It was like a rainbow of square stickers all around me. I was totally immersed in what I was doing when out of no where this man's voice goes "You do realize that's cheating, right?". I look up slowly, my tongue still sticking out (I do that when I'm concentrating) and there before me is Dr. Orthopod casually leaning against the separator surrounding my work space, a cocky grin spreading over his face.

Me? I just grinned cheekily and calmly told him "well yea, but that's the whole point of these things. They frustrate you long enough that cheating is the only solution." He laughed, handed me a report to be edited and left; grinning the whole way.

Tonight seemed to be a good night for funny stuff, even though Marlene my coworker laid into me again about not getting any echocardiogram reports to which I made her come over to my desk and showed her that I can do as many reports as I want and the echoes don't come to me.

The phone rang while she was out of the office and so I picked it up.

"Transcription, Super Steno Girl speaking" was met with the deep baritone voice of Dr. Ooh La La (my favorite - FAVORITE doctor).

"Hi this is Dr. Ooh La La and I just saw this chap in the Emergency Department and was wondering if you could do this report stat?"

"Sure, do you have the hospital number?"

After the pleasantries were exchanged and I received the number I mentioned "oh I'm still working on the report for Mrs. Generic Patient"

He responds as "Yes, we seem to be having a lot of Korean chefs come in tonight"

Me: "Oh yea?"

Him: "Yea, it must be all the kimchi they eat."

Me: Silence....."Nah, probably just the steam."

Funny event #3 - I was doing a consult report from this one specialist who was seeing a patient in the ER and the Dr. says:

"No history of drug use the patient was cleaning a "meth house" a month ago that was filthy and covered in cat piss"

Piss - can I type that? Can I put that in the report?
I had to back it up a few times to hear it and sure enough - the doctor said it. Piss.
Can I replace it with urine?
Or with pee?
Nope - verbatim. Must type verbatim. So, it's on the record as "piss".

Humorous #4 was listening to the dictation and hearing the Cardiologist go "Hi this is Dr. Speedy doing echoes on August 7, wait what am I saying - January 7, I wish it were August 7..he he he". And an ER doc doing "the patient will be sent to Dr. So and So bracket cardiology end bracket, Dr. ABC bracket neurology bracket, Dr. 123 from bracket..wait.. what am I doing? Uh, yea you can... forget about the brackets or.. leave them in.. uhm.. whatever, I really don't care. Be creative. Uh.. yea like whatever you want I guess. Anyways, carrying on so I don't bore you. (too late)".

Creative?
Can I send you the report printed on pink paper with happy stickers all over it?
That would be creative, wouldn't it?
Please?

I have a "progress review" tomorrow with the boss at 3:45 (I think - I hope) wish me luck that I don't get fired!

Great Googly Moogly Batman!

2007-01-07T22:13:00.000-08:00

Well it's not 10:13 pm and I -just- got on the internet. It's been down all night - you can imagine how horrible that has been for me, what with being at work and having limited resources to search for things under. For the past 7 hours my desk has been a battlefield of dictionaries, surgical books, anatomy books, medical spellers, drug binders, pharmacological dictionaries and papers to try and help me through my reports. You really don't appreciate Google until you don't have it anymore! It's so hard to look for something when you can barely spell it (and the spellcheckers on this computer and deplorable). It's much easier to go to Google and give it your best effort and be rewarded. Without it, you're stuck searching.

I did manage to get over 1 hour 20 minutes, which is 10 minutes over what I'm supposed to do. The last report was 28 minutes long. A very long, very boring orthopedic surgery on some patients broken back. Although I will say that looking at the CT scans and x-rays was AMAZING - I found the break without using the aid of the lil green arrow that they had on another slide; and it wasn't a big obvious break either. Just an intrusion into the spinal canal or..whatever. Anyways, point being it looked neat; though admittedly probably doesn't FEEL that way for the patient.

Unfortunately there were many blanks I had to leave for my lead hand because, as mentioned above, NO GOOGLE! I was so distraught for the whole night and of course, as soon as I sign off the operative report BOOM the internet works. *Grumble*. Now I'm trying to decide if I should a) go for a smoke or b) try to look up some of the missed words on Google.

Maybe I'll do B and then A.. work backwards. Why not?

On a side note, I have a splitting headache, like - splitting. Enough it's making me nauseous. Yuck. Food maybe.. yea that might help.

Cheers!

Study Back

2007-01-05T19:08:00.001-08:00

So cute - both the guys and the song

Office Politics

2007-01-05T00:02:00.000-08:00

Character List:
Marlene: Nearly retired lady that I work with at night. She's there between 4 pm and midnight; though 90% of the time doesn't roll in until about 5.
Linda: Middle-aged lady that I also work with at night though she is casual. Very opinionated with a "know it all" attitude.
Hilda: Middle-aged lady that works day shift 9 am - 5 pm, I see her for about 2 hours a day between Monday and Thursday.
Carla: Middle-aged woman who works Sunday - Thursday 8 am - 4 pm. I see her for about an hour a day.
Sharla: Transcription Coordinator for all of our sites.

The Plot: I am the lowest person on the 'totem pole', so to speak, and so I am an easy target for office gossip.

The Story
(bear with me, it's a tad long).
During the summer I was involved in a small media series put on by one of our newspapers and the main news channel for our area. Myself and 4 others competed in a "fitness" challenge over the course of 3 months. July 5 - October 5. The goal was to lose as much weight the right way as possible through good old fashioned exercise and proper diet control. This was encouraged by the personal trainers from a gym we all worked with 3 x a week for an hour each on top of one of the top dieticians in the area helping plan our meals and the like. We were scored on how many pounds we lost, how many inches we lost, our attitude in the gym, how many events (such as the Breast Cancer Walk) we entered, our daily food logs to the gym owner, and our weekly write ups in the paper. The winner at the end of the 3 month challenge won a trip for 2 for a week to a health resort/spa in Brazil; in case you were wondering - I was the one that won.

During these 3 months I had to take transit every second day into another city (which isn't as odd as it sounds since transit here is all connected between three/four large cities) and then to work by 3 pm. The bus ride alone from the gym to the train station which would take me to work took about an hour; the train ride about 45 min - one hour. I scheduled all of my gym appointments for before noon so I could leave by about 12:30, after showering and all that, and be at work on time. Unfortunately, the bus route was/is under heavy reconstruction and so it was really hit or miss on how long the ride would actually take. Some days were better than others. Also, the train tended to be quite slow during the summer months and there were several problems. One incident was that instead of stopping at each station for 45 seconds, we were halted for 5 minutes thus making me over an hour late for work.

Around the end of July, the day before my first scheduled 30 minute massage (complimentary of the contest), Marlene got a hold of me (figuratively) just as I was leaving for the night. It was one of the days that I had been late due to transit issues. She went off on me and it sounded something like this:

Marlene: "You know, I don't understand how you think it's O.K for you to walk in here over an hour late for work. You do realize that many of the girls here are talking about it, a lot of them are angry that you're always late and you never seem to make up the time? Who do you think you are showing up to work late? You could at least stay late and make up the time you know. There's lots of them here that are really starting to complain, they're sick and tired about what you're doing."

(Side note: Marlene is supposed to be at work at 4pm, yesterday she didn't walk in until 8pm. Most days you're lucky if she's there by 5pm).

Since this was the first time Marlene had ever been like this towards me, I was rather stunned and my only response to her was "Let them talk, Sharla knows why I'm late and she's not concerned by it at all. It's none of their business." Still angry I left and subsequently was irritated throughout the weekend. Sharla did know, in fact, and she was cool with my reasons for being late and took a lot of the time that I was late out of vacation days so I didn't lose any pay over it.

Now, flash forward to tonight.

Marlene: "You know, you said earlier that you like when people say things to your face instead of going behind your back. So I have to say something and it's more of a heads up and kind of a motivation for you to change but: There's word going around that you're going to be fired by the end of the month."

Talk about dropping a bomb on my already bad day (I got yelled at by my landlady for the plugged toilet this morning).

Needless to say I was immediately defensive, as anyone would be in my situation.

Me: "And just who told you that?"

Marlene: "Oh I don't remember and even if I did I wouldn't tell you; it was told to me in confidence but it was told by a number of the girls. They're tired of you sitting on the internet and assigning yourself easy dictations as soon as the boss (Laureen) leaves. And you know you do, you can't deny that you are on the internet too much." She's right, I can't deny that. It's been a serious issue with me ever since I was about 12 and found out about the internet; I'm hooked. Like a junkie is to crack, so am I to the internet.

Me:"Excuse me?! I do not, ever, assign myself easy dictations as soon as Laureen leaves. Whoever told you that is flat out lying. The only thing I assign myself is at the end of a shift and I assign critical care reports like Oncology and Respiratory. Exactly like you taught me. Second of all, I don't care what people are saying. Let them talk."

Marlene: "Listen, I'm telling you this for your own good. I'm tired of it, Linda's tired of it and many other girls are too. They look at you and all you do is sit on the internet. You don't even make your quota. You piss around on the internet until 9 o'clock and then you're rushing to get your work done and look stuff up and you're constantly bugging Linda for help - enough is enough!"

Me: "I most certainly do, and if I don't I'm only a few minutes away from it. Besides which, it's not like you or Linda who has been here for eons, I'm still learning. Just yesterday I had a 15 minute vascular surgery report that took me near 3 hours to complete because a) the doctor was talking too fast and b) they were using equipment and procedures I've never heard of. And maybe if Linda was willing to help me when I initially needed the help, I wouldn't be stuck leaving my blanks until the end of my shift and then rushing to try and fix them; or maybe if she and you mentored me like you're supposed to be doing, I wouldn't even need help!"

Marlene: "Ok alright so you may make your quota but what I'm saying is you're on that internet too much and everyone is getting sick of it. They're saying you're going to be fired within the month and I'm just telling you. And another thing, you never to echoes (echocardiograms). The night before last Linda and I were stuck doing them all while you sat on reports; how come you never end up with echoes?"

Me: "Because they don't come to me and I've been telling you that for 5 months when you brought this up the last time. And as for sitting on reports, I was working on 10 minutes of Dr. Marblemouth and their horrible rendition of a heart surgery. I wasn't just "sitting" on them and not doing anything. Besides which, last night I took 20 of the 30 echoes that were there, even though I originally assigned myself all of them."

Marlene: "I'm not talking about last night. I'm saying that even Linda was irritated the other night because you never seem to do any of the echoes..."

Me cutting her off: "Not true. All I did on day shift was echo after echo after echo; and of Dr. Speedy to boot! Honestly Marlene, they do not come to me and I don't know why."

Marlene: "Listen, whatever O.K? Just know that we're all getting tired of you sitting on the internet, do you think that's fair to everyone else who has to work for their quota and you come in here and assign yourself all the easy ones. Everyone knows that's why you went to day shift, so you could be monitored."

Me: "I do NOT assign myself the easy ones. I have not for a long, long time. Yes I know you caught me a few times in the summer but I learned and I do not do it anymore. And no, that's not why I went to days Marlene" - the last part said terribly sweetly.

Marlene: "Why did you go to days then?"

Me: "I'm not going to tell you."

By now I was yelling, not caring that there was a doctor in the dictation lounge or the health record girls next door being subjected to this battle. Surprisingly, I had managed to squelch the crying that had started at being bombarded by her again.

The argument continued for about 15 minutes with the same issues being repeated: That the rumor was going around that I am going to be fired by the end of the month. All I can say is that if the rumor is true, I have a very good idea on who started it: Hilda.

Two weeks ago when I had been an hour late for work I assigned myself at the end of my shift a 10 minute psychology report. She asked me, point blank, if I assigned it or if it came to me and instead of lying to her I told her the truth. She then flew off the handle and raved about how wrong it was and etcetera ad naseum. I told her that I did it because I needed the extra minutes, I was almost at my quota before I left; she said she didn't care. She made me feel bad enough that I rejected the job and went home early.

Coincidentally I happen to have a meeting scheduled with Sharla on Tuesday for what she calls "Progress Review".

The truth is I do have an issue with the internet. As I said I've had one since I was about 12, it's been a curse all through high school "SuperStenoGirl is a bright child but she gets too distracted around the internet", "SSG is a great student but I find around computers it's easy for her to lose focus". I know it's been troublesome at work, I know that I rush to get work done when I realize how late it has gotten. My new years resolution is: Stay off the Internet as much as possible at work. So far, I've done a fairly decent job; today I was not on it at all until 5 pm and then it was to check my e-mail.

The worst thing about this is: Am I going to get fired? Now I have to wait until Tuesday, stressing over it, worrying over it, praying it won't happen and hoping for the best. I used to think that stress didn't effect you physically but I'm a complete convert now; ever since she told me this little rumor, my whole body has been tense. My stomach is in knots and I've thrown up a few times. Being fired may not seem entirely important to anyone else but to someone who was told over and over again by teachers and occasionally parents that I'd always fail at something, that I'd never be able to "make it" on my own, etc. the thought of being fired and thus "failing" is terrifying. Luckily though, my parents have my back this time. My dad has been helping me learn about all the ways to raise shit through the union; harassment, etc. and how to deal with coworkers like Marlene. It's hard though since Marlene is usually my friend but she is a bitch. She is, afterall, the woman who swears and gets angry at doctors to their face, throws things and generally has a temper tantrum when things don't go her own way.

So is she lying about this?
Or is it true: that there is a rumor going around. If so - what should I do about it?

I could worry myself sick being scared about it and all that, but what would that accomplish? Nothing.

I suppose in the end, if I'm fired I'm fired. I have options. I can look for another job, or I can move home (god help me) and go back to school.

I just hope I'm not fired though; I really hope I'm not fired. I'll mention to Sharla though in our meeting, if it comes up, what my new years resolution is. Hopefully that will keep me in the good books.

Wish me luck. :(