Wednesday, December 20, 2006


I'm a young, hip (hah), gal who despite being way more on the nerdy/geeky side of life still knows what looks good and what doesn't in fashion. I'm not talking Milan fashion, or Paris fashion (unless you're talking Paris Ontario); but just general every day fashion. I also am lucky to be gifted with two things a) An 'artsy' eye for style with knowing what looks good on which body type and B) The inability to wear clothing that would look poifect on me due to being obese. However, I have never let that stop me from critiquing others sense of style or lack thereof. Thus, I hereby present you with SuperStenoGirls first installment of FASHION DOS AND DON'TS. Which will be separated into two categories: Men and Women.


DON'T: Wear flanel boxers with corduroy pants. If you run, you will set yourself on fire.
DON'T: Do not wear suspenders if you wear a belt; actually, don't wear suspenders. If you can't keep your pants up with a belt you need to think about buying smaller sizes. Waist circumference is not indicative of your manliness.
DON'T: Wear one of those cutesy, funny, cartoon ties or God forbid one that sings, lights up, moves, rolls up automatically or anything else that is 'cartoonish' unless you work in Pediatrics and with an audience that has the capability of finding the humor in it; i.e. Wearing such around infants probably won't garner you any laughs.
DON'T: I do not care if you are 16, or if you are 60, it is never - ever appropriate to have your underwear visible over your pants. Furthermore, the space made by the waist band of your pants being around your buttocks should never be used as a storage device. If you clink and clack as you walk, people will think you have metalic testicles. I guarantee the majority of women do not want to go out with a guy with metalic testicles.
DON'T: Use chains as an accessory unless you're in a biker gang. Even then, limit the length of the chain so they don't get caught on any street signs as your whiping down the road on your hog.
DON'T: Grow mutton chops. They died with Abe Lincoln.
DON'T: Wear your KISS t-shirt or PANTERA t-shirt to the board meeting.

DO: Keep facial hair trimmed; it is more attractive in the winter than in the summer.
DO: Keep your hair nicely styled, if you do not prefer a style at least make an effort to comb it.
DO: Keep your hands and fingernails clean. There is nothing more unattractive than a man with a black line of dirt circulating his fingernails.
DO: Keep ear hair and nose hair to a minimum.
DO: Get rid of the unibrow.
DO: Smell nice, aftershave, cologne etc. It all adds to the total picture.
DO: Pick tasteful yet stylish accessories - a ring, a watch, even a chain necklace on some men is attractive. Depends on your profession though.
DO: Keep your shoelaces tied.


DON'T: Wear overalls. They belong on toddlers - where they can be used as convenient handles.
DON'T: Wear pigtails unless you are in elementary school.
DON'T: Wear knee socks unless you are 12. Instead, wear tights, hosiery, or bare legs with skirts.
DON'T: Tie Dye. It "dyed" in the 70s. Leave it alone.
DON'T: This one I cannot stress enough: Unless you are auditioning for a back up dancer part in a bad rap video - NEVER.... EVER... have your thong or g-string OVER the waist of your pants. NO ONE wants to see the crack of your butt at the office. NO ONE.
DON'T: Wear clothes to work that you would wear at an all night booze fest at the lasted club UNLESS you have the perfect body of an 18-year-old and work in fashion stores.
DON'T: Try to bring back clothes you wore in the 80s, despite the trend of that fashion coming back; actual pieces from the 80s are still out of style. Upgrade to the newer ones.
DON'T: Match your eye shadow with your outfit.
DON'T: Wear white eyeliner.
DON'T: Wear t-shirts such as "Rub my tummy for good luck" (I have this one) to work. It's best suited for those comfy weekend days where you don't do anything but stay inside.
DON'T: Wear capris with knee high boots unless the hem of the pants fall overtop of the boots. It is not attractive to see two inches of skin separating the two over your knee.
DON'T: Wear loud plaid prints. Subtle charcoal/gray plaid with a smart turtleneck and a trendy bag looks great.
DON'T: Wear those new English-riding style hats unless you are ACTUALLY riding a horse in an English saddle.
DON'T: Wear clothes fit for a size 10 woman when you're a size 18. I don't know how you manage to stuff yourself into them but just stop now. NO ONE likes to look at your belly hanging over the pants and below the shirt. No one.

DO: Be adventurous with your clothes yet keep to what makes you feel comfortable.
DO: Accessorize.
DO: Choose funky outfits for clubbing or weekend get togethers with the girls.
DO: Change your style every now and then.
DO: Seek out clothes that fit you properly and if not - have them tailored. $20 for tailoring goes much farther than inappropriately sized clothing does.
DO: Be girly - but at the same time be your age.
DO: Experiment with a new hair style or make up style every so often; try it out at home first before going to the office.

Go shopping alone over taking a friend who will simply agree with everything you said. That is how the trend of making bridesmaids were pistachio green, ruffled, poofy dresses started. One poor bridesmaid had her back turned and agreed to it without asking and it has just snowballed since. If you must go shopping with a friend, make sure before hand that they A) Have a good sense of fashion and B) Won't agree with everything you try on. Test them too, periodically throughout the day throw on something absolutely attrocious and see if they agree with your choice.


1 comment:

SeaSpray said...

What do you mean by Don't wear white eye liner? In what way? because if you use it on the rims of your lower lid it freshens your eyes and can help you look younger and eyes larger. Still use regular eye liner under lashes and over. Just curious. :)