Tuesday, January 9, 2007

Cheat, Kimchi, Piss

So tonight while on my break instead of going out for a smoke (yes I started again, old news), I was playing around with my Rubik's cube. Call me a masochist but I bought the damn thing and messed it up and now enjoy getting my ass royally kicked by trying to solve it. Tonight I was getting particularly frustrated with the thing and so began to carefully peel away all of the little colorful stickers and place them on the desk. It was like a rainbow of square stickers all around me. I was totally immersed in what I was doing when out of no where this man's voice goes "You do realize that's cheating, right?". I look up slowly, my tongue still sticking out (I do that when I'm concentrating) and there before me is Dr. Orthopod casually leaning against the separator surrounding my work space, a cocky grin spreading over his face.

Me? I just grinned cheekily and calmly told him "well yea, but that's the whole point of these things. They frustrate you long enough that cheating is the only solution." He laughed, handed me a report to be edited and left; grinning the whole way.

Tonight seemed to be a good night for funny stuff, even though Marlene my coworker laid into me again about not getting any echocardiogram reports to which I made her come over to my desk and showed her that I can do as many reports as I want and the echoes don't come to me.

The phone rang while she was out of the office and so I picked it up.

"Transcription, Super Steno Girl speaking" was met with the deep baritone voice of Dr. Ooh La La (my favorite - FAVORITE doctor).

"Hi this is Dr. Ooh La La and I just saw this chap in the Emergency Department and was wondering if you could do this report stat?"

"Sure, do you have the hospital number?"

After the pleasantries were exchanged and I received the number I mentioned "oh I'm still working on the report for Mrs. Generic Patient"

He responds as "Yes, we seem to be having a lot of Korean chefs come in tonight"

Me: "Oh yea?"

Him: "Yea, it must be all the kimchi they eat."

Me: Silence....."Nah, probably just the steam."

Funny event #3 - I was doing a consult report from this one specialist who was seeing a patient in the ER and the Dr. says:

"No history of drug use the patient was cleaning a "meth house" a month ago that was filthy and covered in cat piss"

Piss - can I type that? Can I put that in the report?
I had to back it up a few times to hear it and sure enough - the doctor said it. Piss.
Can I replace it with urine?
Or with pee?
Nope - verbatim. Must type verbatim. So, it's on the record as "piss".

Humorous #4 was listening to the dictation and hearing the Cardiologist go "Hi this is Dr. Speedy doing echoes on August 7, wait what am I saying - January 7, I wish it were August 7..he he he". And an ER doc doing "the patient will be sent to Dr. So and So bracket cardiology end bracket, Dr. ABC bracket neurology bracket, Dr. 123 from bracket..wait.. what am I doing? Uh, yea you can... forget about the brackets or.. leave them in.. uhm.. whatever, I really don't care. Be creative. Uh.. yea like whatever you want I guess. Anyways, carrying on so I don't bore you. (too late)".

Can I send you the report printed on pink paper with happy stickers all over it?
That would be creative, wouldn't it?

I have a "progress review" tomorrow with the boss at 3:45 (I think - I hope) wish me luck that I don't get fired!

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